Dry Days...

The Big Question...

"You mentioned that you used to drink up to 3 litres of wine a night, and that you have cut down somewhat. First off, what prompted you to do it? More importantly, HOW did you do it? And lastly...are you happy with the amount you drink now, or is there still work to be done?"

The Big Answer...

It was New Year's Eve 2004. I was smashed; sitting with Hubby at the last pub before home. I remember telling him how my kidneys ached every morning after being on the piss- three litres a day gives them a fair workout after all- and telling him that I didn't want to sit on the lounge night after night writing myself off for the rest of my Life. And I think Just Saying That Out Aloud to Myself was the biggest catalyst of all. I'm one of those people who hate to say they're going to do something and then Not do it.

I'd never even "said" I was going to cut back before. And my Hubby was suddenly paying attention to what I was saying. He has a drinking problem too (don't tell him that, though) but nowhere near the extent of mine. I drank through both my pregnancies (although to be fair, so did He lol) and have been an alcoholic since I was seventeen. And I'm not cured; I swore that New Year's Eve that I wasn't going to drink Every day and I don't anymore- but I still drink way too much to be considered healthy; and now I have other substances I regularly abuse instead. I get antsy when there is no beer or wine in the fridge, or heaven-forbid no pot; it's a Lifelong crutch and I can't imagine ever completely giving it up. I'd fall off the wagon for sure- so to avoid complete failure I'll never take that step.

So; I told my Hubby I wanted to cut back...

The first day was easy- I was hungover, coming down and sick as a dog. My aching kidneys appreciated a day off. Day two I was already over my Resolution- wishing I hadn't made it. Wishing I hadn't voiced it within earshot of my Hubby. For now he was watching- though as he hadn't made the same commitment (and was on holidays from work ) he happily drank without me. I was short-tempered and agitated for days while I semi-dried out; I wanted to prove to Myself I could last a week without a drink. So I got Myself a calender and started marking off my Dry Days. At the end of the week I celebrated with beer; but it was a turning point. I Could go without drinking- I didn't like it and I hated having to listen to my own inner-voices about how crappy I was feeling and how worthless my Life was- and I was actually disappointed in Myself that I hadn't managed to stay sober for longer.

Then Week Two. I might have had a beer or two, I can't remember now- but every dry day I had, I ticked off on my calender; and the days I drank Anything At All I circled. For the entire year I ticked and circled days- I remember at the end of the year I had forty five circles- only forty five drunken days out of three hundred and sixty five. I was pretty pleased with Myself- and celebrated in style New Years Eve 2005.

It hadn't been easy; I limited what alcohol was in the house. And I compensated by smoking Marijuana- effectively trading one addiction for another I suppose- but at the time I guess I thought pot was never going to be a problem. That was my Hubby's vice; not mine! Funny that now he's lucky to have one cone a week- and I chugg down up to thirty a day(NB I'm cutting back on this as we speak; by not smoking through the day until After four o'clock and limiting myself to three a day; small steps- my kidneys might have stopped aching but my lungs weren't thankful for me cutting back on the drink!).

I'm still drinking too much these days. I haven't used the Calender-Method since I cut back so much that first year. 2006 saw me drink most weekends to excess and since cutting back on the pot I've found Myself sneaking in a six pack of beer or bottle of wine some weeknights as well. It's not enough to get me drunk and hungover; I'm still a seasoned drinker and can out-drink most men I know- and I'm not bleary-eyed and half-drunk when I turn up for work or when driving my kids to school. I like to think I've beaten the Need to drink everyday; but I still love being drunk. My Mother tells me I'm only 'irrigating' my problems when I drink to excess- but it means so much to me socially that I know in my heart I will always have a drinking problem and will drink to excess because I basically can't decide to stop after only one or two.

To those who also concede they have a problem I'd offer this advice...

Don't set yourself unrealistic goals. Have that drink if it's the only thing that's keeping you sane and don't beat yourself up if you have one too many. Try and realise what's making you drink; write it down if it helps. And praise yourself for small victories- remember it's one step at a time with these things and a set-back doesn't mean you have to fall back into your old ways.

And Finally; don't take up other addictive substances...

It only prolongs recovery!

(Hope that answers your Question, Miss...hope you have a good Easter!)