Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Almost Perfect.....

I know I should have done it Myself yesterday...

Fucking men. Hey?

Always fucking up my plans of World domination; and then waking me up when it's not fucking necessary.

Fucking Rude Shits. It must be nice to be Almost Fucking Perfect.

Manners are free you know.


Three Long Years...

Following Miss Understood's lead (it was such a good idea) I went through my archives of three years ago;I was a part of her life then and hope to be so for many more years; so for Miss Understood, Grump, and Enchantress; thanks for sticking along for the ride. We've all come a long way.

What A Year It Was...


Here's an overview of Mine...

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

I'm a creature of habit. I rarely try new things. I do pluck my bikini line now, though- something I didn't do in 2005.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I think for 2006 it was to try and cut back my drinking. In all I drank on 46 days out of the year- but this was a vast improvement on the previous year where I was drunk on every night of the year- except for one or two when I was too hungover. I compensated with other drugs, however...

As for this year- I'm trying for an orgasm a day for the entire year. Going well.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My little Sister had a baby girl on the 4th July 2006.

My best friend CC had a baby boy on October 3 2006.

Twink's "Sometime-Root" gave birth to a baby boy on Jan 4 2007.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Old Merley, my mate from the pub who I've been friends with for 15 years, died on April 6 2006 from Lung Cancer. He was 67 and the captain of our Pool Comp team; he was a father to Julie and Kathy; who both knew nothing of his illness until a week before he died.

My Sister and I howled at his funeral.

I miss you, You old Bugger.

5. What countries did you visit?

Australia. Oh hang on, that's Home.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

A job.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 4th. It was the day Steve Urwin died. I cried every day for a week.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Personally I made a bit of a journey last year. A lot of it came about as the result of having a good close set of friends. I came out of my shell for the first time in years and decided that I liked who I was again.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Smoking too much marijuana and cigarettes. It costs a small fortune and is making me sick anyway.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Pleurisy and lung infections. I also nearly snapped my back in half when I face planted a wall while inebriated.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I got lots of new things but my favourite is a pair second hand Levi's that I got for fifteen dollars at an Op Shop. My arse looks awesome in these jeans!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Mine. I was a paragon of goodness as always.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Golden Shower Boy's. Look up some of my archives if you don't know why.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Car repayments, rent and party drugs.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to U2.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?

Body Rockers- I like The Way You Move.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?

Happier. Same. Richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?


19. What do you wish you'd done less of?


20. How will you be spending Christmas?

My house with all the Fam.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Yes; with my Hubby again.

22. How many one-night stands?


24. What was your favourite TV program?

Big Brother. I have to go on that show one day.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Golden Shower Boy. Actually I've always hated him.

26. What was the best book you read?

The Lovely Bones; Alice Sebold.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Stone Sour- especially the song Through Glass

28. What did you want and get?

A new car.

29. What did you want and not get?

A four wheel drive.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

Bad Wives Two. Nya Nya Nya.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was going to go to the Races but it rained so I had a party at my house instead- everyone bought their favourite dish they liked to cook and we had a feast, drank and smoked copious amounts and topped it all off with an acid and ecstasy spree.

I was 33. And should know better!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

An orgasm a day.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Improving yet casual.

34. What kept you sane?

Jen Jen, CC, Miss Fancy Pants, M, Twink, marijuana

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I want Mike Delfino from Desperate Housewives.

And I Still can't go past Gwen Stefani for the femme fantasy...

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

America's handling of the war in Iraq.

38. Who was the best new person you met in 2006?

My newest friend would have to be Sloane.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006?

Don't take good health for granted and appreciate what you have every day.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I'm not here for your entertainment; you don't really wanna mess with me tonight

Just stop and take a second; I was fine before you walked into my life

Cos you know it's over; before it began

Keep your drink just give me the money; it's just You and your hand tonight!


And That's a wrap for 2006!

To Quote A Scroatian...

"Manners cost nothing..."

"Relationships are two-way streets..."

"Get fucked. Fuck off."

(And my Personal favourite...)

"What part of 'Get Fucked' don't You understand?"

Sort of glad you walked home...


My Message To Him...

If you came here to cut the fucking grass then Don't Fucking Bother.

I can do it my fucking Self; thanks anyway.

You can take whatever plants you fucking want.

I don't need another fucking Judge.

A Friendship Is a relationship...

It's up to You if you want mine anymore; Or not.

Fuck it must be nice to Think you are perfect...

Monday, December 14, 2009

Letter For T...

Hey T

No pictures have I seen...(very Yoda of me to say so) so please resend them if at all opssible. (I'm going to leave that little typo, haha, too pissed to press backspace).

Hanging out means he's very comfortable being around you; just, "chilling" you know? He likes your company and likes to be with you. It's a good sign at least! I thought it was a saying everyone used; so it must be an Aussie slogan if you haven't heard it often. Anyway; although absence makes the heart grow fonder; I know you and know you'll be sweating on his return, but do me a favour Girly, and make sure you enjoy the festive season and New Year's in the typical T fashion; because I reckon this one will be back. He's an Aussie and therefore has taste!

My work party was fun; we went on a dinner cruise around Newcastle harbour for about three hours but I'd been on the piss already for most of the day with Sally; she's 24 and doesn't ever drink so I drank for both of us; I think I even made her laugh a few times!; I also tried my very first oyster (very lemoned up but I actually had three in the end...Taz was very impressed when I told him.) My friend LW lost a shoe overboard and so chucked the other one in after it. Our maintenance guy Robbie (our House-Elf) was maggoty and singing Suspicious Minds; he does a great Elvis. The food was great; we all(25 0f us) got $50 in a card (this was from the $1000 that I found in a bar-fridge and Stoopidly handed in, the Boss decided to split it between Everyone, even the kitchen staff who have nothing to do with the housekeeping department; oh well, I've learned if I ever find a large sum of money again I'm going to stick it in the bible in the bedside table; nobody ever reads, it'd be safe there!) Anyway; everybody had a great night out; thanks to me!

I stayed at the hotel where I work for the night as my mate LB got a room for being Employee of the Month (there are 3 L's at work; the other is my boss LR); then we all had room service for breakfast (and we got charged extra even though I carried it all up myself; bloody Brett who owns the restaurant is a Wanker!) Even Robbie crashed in our room( we took funny pictures of the four of us (me, Sally, LB and Rob) in the spa and in bed); he tried to go out to King Street with the young girls who work in the restaurant but couldn't get in and they left him; so our General Manager picked him up and drove him back to the hotel.

Today I was fragged even though I didn't drink much more than usual; we all worked but then I still had to go to my secret second night job (cleaning offices at PH) and when I got home Taz was snoring on the lounge. Just another day!

It's late so I'll go; but don't forget to send those pics; I want to see The New Guy!

Love ya honey

rn_buffoon xx

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Last night I rang...

Apparently, allegedly and very often unsuccessfully, fifty two times to Get Though to Taz.

Imagine that; fifty-two times...

According to Taz, even though the year now is 2009 , and only now is it 2009 because it is almost 2010 years since the benefactor of the Christian religion (JC himself) was born; this is a non-event. To Myself at least. And yet it happened. Just as there was the historical figure of Queen Cleopatra. Or Plato. I know he was born; not in a stable; surrounded by lambs or the three wise men, but in the poor village of Bethlehem, shrouded in blood and after-birth like every other Cunt who had to go through it without drugs or anesthehtics, and who later was applauded by the religious fanatics of Nazareth(his Apostles); he was a child of impoverishment who came to be known as the Son of god.

Nowadays, especially when the human population have become so scientifically aware, he would be known as a religious Crank. And that is as it should be. Relegated to the ranks of such others as David Koresh and those who claim to be the Son Of god.

Joseph and Mary had an illegitimate child; theory says she was raped by a Roman soldier and Joseph saved her from being stoned to death, such was the penalty for an unwedded woman and supposed virgin. Kudos to Joseph. What a guy. Chivalry today really is Dead. When it happened to me; I was told I was slut. Even by my child's father. They would have stoned me. Dead. For fucking sure.

I agree. About Christinaty. It's an non-event. The beginning of a cult that wouldn't/hasn't/won't go away, even though the Leader-Guy of the cult died just over two millennium ago.

And that's when it, Christian-Insanity should have ended, too.

According to Me.

According to Taz; Jesus was a Myth.

He wasn't a god. He merely believed he was the incarnate Son of some god.

He is, and was, a historical figure who Got It Wrong about god, a Cult leader who didn't die even though he was crucified for his influential yet unsubstantiated beliefs. Yes:BELIEFS. That's all they were were. Nothing substantiated. Nothing proved.

I don't believe in god but Jesus existed. He wasn't a Myth.

He was real...

And so was Julius. And Cleopatra.And Shakespeare.

The rest my friend; is History.



Where is he from?
What school did he go to?
Does he still live here?
Are you coming to visit?
When is the wedding?
How is the sex?
Are you in Lurve?
Can I be the Unofficial Auntie of any prodigy?
Are we related now if I'm the unofficial auntie of your children?
Does he know of Ned Kelly?
Does he know I am related to the Judge who sentenced Ned Kelly to death?
What AFL team does he barrack (Obama) for?
Does he like meat Pies?
Does he know who Eddie McQuire is?
Or Rove?
Does he know what a Roving Ruck is?
Is he a New South Welshman?
Does he go for The Blues or the Maroons?
I hope he's not a Queenslander slash Cane-toad.
That would suck proverbial arse.
Or else there will be trouble and strife.
Call him Cobber.
Or Digger.
Or Mate.
Just don't call him late for breakfast.
Lunch or Tea.

PS Does he wear boardies or budgie-smugglers?

PPS Only a True Aussie will know the answer to the final question! Make sure you ask him.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


*Two decks of used cards; roughly thumbed.

*A packet of Carrot seeds ; half grown.

*A three quarter jar full of Moccona coffee.

*One dollar thirty for a newspaper ( wrapped in an Evil note.)

*A block of Old Gold dark chocolate.

*5 (count them) Magic Beanstalk seeds.

Yet; I have Nothing he wants.

He's gone home and won't answer his telephony.


Here's My Epiphany...

Back to Square One.