The first time that I met Jessie was on board the HMAS Parramatta where he cooked me the worst bacon and eggs I've ever eaten in my life...
I forgave him for it; eventually- about ten years later if my memory serves Me correctly.
The second time I met him was at a party when I was still sixteen; I think it was his twenty-first birthday. Stan and Yobbo took Me and Dano; I suppose anyone who didn't know any better might have imagined that I was there with Stan- but I wasn't. The feelings he felt for Me were never mutual I'm afraid. I liked Jessie straight away; though that's not his real name of course. I've never called him by his real name either, though- so I suppose what name You know him by doesn't matter in the slightest. Stan told me that the reason behind Jessie's nickname was that it had been the name of an athlete from the Berlin Olympics; so if you want to go digging and delving into History then you can be my guest- try and work out his identity for yourselves.
But you'll never hear it from me; because to this day he is the only other man I think I could have loved and been happy with- aside from my Hubby of course...
If I have one Sexual Regret in my life then it's that Jessie and I didn't get to have sex on the one and only night when we both had the freedom to do so. If we had chosen to. It was a few months after I had turned seventeen when I ran into Jessie and his cousin Johnny at a night club. They both bought me drinks all night; but I stupidly chose to go home with Johnny instead of Jessie- thinking that Jess was only interested in me as a mate because of Stan- and also because he was five years older than me- and only went out with women; not little girls like Me.
And so I ended up back at the house- but with the wrong family member...
Johnny was alright; except that he was a terrible snorer. I had sex with him twice more before we got bored with each other. But because I never slept with Jessie I suppose I always have secretly wished that I did. The few times he Did kiss me he had the softest lips and the wildest tongue imaginable; though I worried he would never be able to kiss me slowly- as he would've if he had really been 'into' me.
He could make me feel dizzy just by looking at me with his intense black eyes; eyes that seemed to find me desirable and hot. By the time I realised that I wanted to fuck him-badly- it was too late; and I had already reunited with my Hubby. But I have seen Jessie since. There was a time when we even drank together regularly- but only ever as friends...
The last time I saw him he looked at me, his lust only thinly disguised, and told me that I was still as 'fine' as I ever was. It made my Year that he thought I was still rootable. We reminisced about That Time down at the beach when we were younger - and the Other Time at the bowling alley- which I think he had totally forgotten about until I reminded him- and then he left; before I could think about ruining the relationship I already have.
It's the closest I've ever come to cheating on my Hubby; and not because anything happened- but because I really would have liked it to. That's why I knew that I had to move away- needed to- even if it was only a few suburbs away; because it would get the Thought of Him out of my mind once and for all. And when I didn't see him every day I got over it. Really.
Jessie didn't want the kind of relationship that I had with my Hubby and Son and I would never give that up- having a family with them. It wouldn't feel right. I know that I've long missed the proverbial boat when it comes to being with Jessie- but it still made me smile when I was talking to one of our long-ago mutual friends, not all that long ago- and he told me that back then Jess had told him that he was really keen on a gorgeous girl with long black hair.
Me.
rn-buffoon...
I suppose that's why I've found Myself thinking of Jessie again recently, because he used to look at me in a way my Hubby never has- like everything I had to say was funny or sexy or interesting or whatever. Jesse listened to me when I raved on with my craziness and laughed when I spoke it out loud.
I know he thought I was rootable, too...
I just wish I had done something different about it when I first had the chance- when I was seventeen and not with my Hubby- things would have turned out very differently if I had- that's for sure.
It's long gone now- any chance of being with Jessie. I don't regret staying faithful to my Hubby, either, even though he never even knew until Just Now that I had ever considered being anything else but faithful to him.
Oh well. I was. And that's the most important thing isn't it?
Just thought I'd point that part out, though.
Twice...
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
All About Him...
How long did you date?
What is dating? We fucked the first nigbt we met and broke up 17 years later. I don't think we've ever been on a date.
How old is he? 36. We are 18 months apart.
Who eats more?
Him.
Who said “I love you” first?
That would be Me. I said it to him the second time we fucked; one week after I met him. I guess I knew it all.
Who is taller?
That would be Me. Again. Only by a centimetre or so.
Who sings better?
Me. Without question.
Who is smarter?
Me. Again. Without question.
Whose temper is worse?
His. I can only describe how volatile he can become. Maybe I'm just a pushover.
Who does the dishes?
Somebody Else does the dishes?
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
That would be Me.
Who pays the bills?
Share and share alike. If we are together. Otherwise; it's all Me and he pays no maintenace.
Who cooks dinner?
I get told he is the cook but I am the one who puts the ideas into action. I cook a greaty lasagna. And Pork spare ribs. Take your pick people.
Who drives when you are together?
He has never evenm held his Learners permit. I have held a Gold licence for the last ten years at least. I drove him to work for 12 years. Nuf said.
Who is more stubborn?
Him. I think.
Who asked who out first?
No one asked anybody out. We had a two year old child (together) before we were even a couple.
Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?
Me. Me. Me. It's all my fault.
Whose parents do you see the most?
Mine. I work with my Dad and my Mother visits or calls three times a day. Imagine That!
Who proposed?
Nobody. Even after 17 years together I am still a 'single' woman.
Who is more sensitive?
Umm;Me. Leave me alone now okay?
Who has more friends?
Me. Even He says all his friends like Me bettter than they do him.
Who has more siblings?
We both come from a family of six; he has two brothers and one sister and I have three sisters. We are both the 3rd child in the mix of things. Maybe that says something about us?
Who wears the pants in the family?
What family? We have broken up. I wonder the fuck why.
What is dating? We fucked the first nigbt we met and broke up 17 years later. I don't think we've ever been on a date.
How old is he? 36. We are 18 months apart.
Who eats more?
Him.
Who said “I love you” first?
That would be Me. I said it to him the second time we fucked; one week after I met him. I guess I knew it all.
Who is taller?
That would be Me. Again. Only by a centimetre or so.
Who sings better?
Me. Without question.
Who is smarter?
Me. Again. Without question.
Whose temper is worse?
His. I can only describe how volatile he can become. Maybe I'm just a pushover.
Who does the dishes?
Somebody Else does the dishes?
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
That would be Me.
Who pays the bills?
Share and share alike. If we are together. Otherwise; it's all Me and he pays no maintenace.
Who cooks dinner?
I get told he is the cook but I am the one who puts the ideas into action. I cook a greaty lasagna. And Pork spare ribs. Take your pick people.
Who drives when you are together?
He has never evenm held his Learners permit. I have held a Gold licence for the last ten years at least. I drove him to work for 12 years. Nuf said.
Who is more stubborn?
Him. I think.
Who asked who out first?
No one asked anybody out. We had a two year old child (together) before we were even a couple.
Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?
Me. Me. Me. It's all my fault.
Whose parents do you see the most?
Mine. I work with my Dad and my Mother visits or calls three times a day. Imagine That!
Who proposed?
Nobody. Even after 17 years together I am still a 'single' woman.
Who is more sensitive?
Umm;Me. Leave me alone now okay?
Who has more friends?
Me. Even He says all his friends like Me bettter than they do him.
Who has more siblings?
We both come from a family of six; he has two brothers and one sister and I have three sisters. We are both the 3rd child in the mix of things. Maybe that says something about us?
Who wears the pants in the family?
What family? We have broken up. I wonder the fuck why.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Tattoo...
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my head in the fire, sooner or later, I get what I’m asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger
I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I’m wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing’s broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done.
Live every second like it was my last one.
Don’t look back got a new direction.
I loved you once needed protection.
You’re still a part of everything I do.
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo. Just like a tattoo, I’ll always have you. (I’ll always have you.)
Sick of playing all of these games
It’s not about taking times
When I looked in the mirror, didn’t deliver
It hurt enough to think I could stop
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realized nothing is broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction
I loved you once needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo, just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you (I’ll always have you).
If I live every moment,
It won’t change any moment,
It’s still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do.
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realized nothing is broken (yeah)
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction (don’t look back)
I love you once needed protection (no no)
Still a part of everything I do
You’ll still in my heart just like a tattoo
Can’t waste time so give it a moment (I can’t waste time)
I realized nothing is broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done (No need to worry)
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction (don’t you ever look back)
I love you once and I needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’ll still in my heart just like a tattoo, just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you
Lyrics by Jordin Sparks
I keep coming back for more
Keep my head in the fire, sooner or later, I get what I’m asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger
I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I’m wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing’s broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done.
Live every second like it was my last one.
Don’t look back got a new direction.
I loved you once needed protection.
You’re still a part of everything I do.
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo. Just like a tattoo, I’ll always have you. (I’ll always have you.)
Sick of playing all of these games
It’s not about taking times
When I looked in the mirror, didn’t deliver
It hurt enough to think I could stop
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realized nothing is broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction
I loved you once needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo, just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you (I’ll always have you).
If I live every moment,
It won’t change any moment,
It’s still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do.
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realized nothing is broken (yeah)
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction (don’t look back)
I love you once needed protection (no no)
Still a part of everything I do
You’ll still in my heart just like a tattoo
Can’t waste time so give it a moment (I can’t waste time)
I realized nothing is broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done (No need to worry)
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction (don’t you ever look back)
I love you once and I needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’ll still in my heart just like a tattoo, just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you
Lyrics by Jordin Sparks
Fifty Eight Messages...
Hubby: You're a total fuckup.
Hubby: Little Son's not eating he would have had a go at some McDonalds but you think getting pissed is more important than your son fucking idiot.
Hubby: Loser alco bitch.
Hubby: Hope you fucken choke.
Hubby: Fucken spaz.
Hubby: Hope you had a nice dinner fuckhead.
Hubby: No good loser of a mother.
Hubby: Little Son's still hungry u junky slag.
Hubby: Hope you sleep well knowing your sick child has gone hungry fucking scab.
Hubby: Shit for brains.
Hubby: Maggot.
Hubby: Go fuck yourself.
Hubby: It's not about some Random Fuck it's your attitude.
Hubby: I will always love you just can't live.
Hubby:I told you no pot.
Hubby: You asked for some I'm not plaing games get your act together.
Hubby: Fuck you then.
Hubby:I still love you and thinking of you please make me proud.
Hubby: Thanx.
Hubby:Soon.
Hubby:Don't worry I won't turn into a pumpkin.
Hubby:Just 69 will do.
Hubby: I've got wood now.
Hubby:Taxi.
Hubby:Sort your shit out you fucking spastic.
Hubby: Get help.
Hubby: Get out of my house or I'll be calling DOCS.
Hubby: I told you the party's over now the wheels are in motion Little Son deserves better.
Hubby: 2 Late.
Hubby:Keep blaming other people for your misery.
Hubby: Just fuck off junky whore.
Hubby: You're nothing to me stop txt I'm talking to a hotty now fuck off.
Hubby:Don't worry I only got her number she is having diner with her olds I'll have to wait til Saturdau Oh well I have heaps of time to get to know the locals made two friends already pub boss is max his side kick is Tim fuck you told I'm no joke.
Hubby: Too late going fishing and fucking hot young chicks bye dickhead.
Hubby:I will fuck who I want you do.
Hubby:Fuck you I have already found better only took two hours.
Hubby:You have three months get out of my house I will be buying it your not in the picture if Little So nis neglected I will take him too I hate you your pissweak.
Hubby:Get out of my house you lying cheating stealing junky whore.
Hubby: Get out of my house you fucking mole.
Hubby: Go get fisted in a spa you slut.
Hubby: Start saving your pennies and pay your debts or the sherrif will take all your stuff and DOCS will take your kids you alco junky fuck for grubby old men.
Hubby: No get get all your lying and cheating you have done in the past is coming back to bite you get ready to know what misery is like you fucking brain dead slag.
Hubby: Work hard and save your money or you coyuld just get a job with Wemmaly take druga and have losers fuck you all day sounds right up your alley.
Hubby:I have gone now you can suffer you used by date flogged out magician sleeved cunt piece of baggage.
Hubby: You raggedy old bit of mutton.
Hubby: Hope your on your knees choking on bleach.
Hubby: Fuck petrols expensive you might have to walk to the Pub from now on or get a pushbike with a baby seat on the back that should tone up your flabby old lady thighs.
Hubby: Oh I forgot you won't be able to afford the Pub looks like casks of wine and sucking cock for cones from now on and smoking rollies like a gutted out old hag.
Hubby: You suck wrinkly old blue cocks you spastic head fuck go home and look after Little Son you child neglecting no hope.
Hubby:Buy some new pants for work instead of beer you look like a hobo old scrag.
Hubby: You scabby old crow.
Hubby: Fucking hag.
Hubby: Fuck you slut.
Hubby: You pissweak monkey face bitch.
Hubby: Sloppy smelly cunt droopy titted cow.
Hubby: I will be coming over at four o'clock to get more of my stuff if you don't want m mouth full of abuse fuck for half an hour you skanky lying sack of shit.
Hubby: I've gone now.
Hubby: The bills are piling up on the fridge looks like you have a big month of partying in front of you don't forget the tyres so much fun to be had.
These are the fifty eight messages I've received since Easter. It's over. At Last.
Irrevocably.
He can leave me alone now.
I get the fucking message.
Hubby: Little Son's not eating he would have had a go at some McDonalds but you think getting pissed is more important than your son fucking idiot.
Hubby: Loser alco bitch.
Hubby: Hope you fucken choke.
Hubby: Fucken spaz.
Hubby: Hope you had a nice dinner fuckhead.
Hubby: No good loser of a mother.
Hubby: Little Son's still hungry u junky slag.
Hubby: Hope you sleep well knowing your sick child has gone hungry fucking scab.
Hubby: Shit for brains.
Hubby: Maggot.
Hubby: Go fuck yourself.
Hubby: It's not about some Random Fuck it's your attitude.
Hubby: I will always love you just can't live.
Hubby:I told you no pot.
Hubby: You asked for some I'm not plaing games get your act together.
Hubby: Fuck you then.
Hubby:I still love you and thinking of you please make me proud.
Hubby: Thanx.
Hubby:Soon.
Hubby:Don't worry I won't turn into a pumpkin.
Hubby:Just 69 will do.
Hubby: I've got wood now.
Hubby:Taxi.
Hubby:Sort your shit out you fucking spastic.
Hubby: Get help.
Hubby: Get out of my house or I'll be calling DOCS.
Hubby: I told you the party's over now the wheels are in motion Little Son deserves better.
Hubby: 2 Late.
Hubby:Keep blaming other people for your misery.
Hubby: Just fuck off junky whore.
Hubby: You're nothing to me stop txt I'm talking to a hotty now fuck off.
Hubby:Don't worry I only got her number she is having diner with her olds I'll have to wait til Saturdau Oh well I have heaps of time to get to know the locals made two friends already pub boss is max his side kick is Tim fuck you told I'm no joke.
Hubby: Too late going fishing and fucking hot young chicks bye dickhead.
Hubby:I will fuck who I want you do.
Hubby:Fuck you I have already found better only took two hours.
Hubby:You have three months get out of my house I will be buying it your not in the picture if Little So nis neglected I will take him too I hate you your pissweak.
Hubby:Get out of my house you lying cheating stealing junky whore.
Hubby: Get out of my house you fucking mole.
Hubby: Go get fisted in a spa you slut.
Hubby: Start saving your pennies and pay your debts or the sherrif will take all your stuff and DOCS will take your kids you alco junky fuck for grubby old men.
Hubby: No get get all your lying and cheating you have done in the past is coming back to bite you get ready to know what misery is like you fucking brain dead slag.
Hubby: Work hard and save your money or you coyuld just get a job with Wemmaly take druga and have losers fuck you all day sounds right up your alley.
Hubby:I have gone now you can suffer you used by date flogged out magician sleeved cunt piece of baggage.
Hubby: You raggedy old bit of mutton.
Hubby: Hope your on your knees choking on bleach.
Hubby: Fuck petrols expensive you might have to walk to the Pub from now on or get a pushbike with a baby seat on the back that should tone up your flabby old lady thighs.
Hubby: Oh I forgot you won't be able to afford the Pub looks like casks of wine and sucking cock for cones from now on and smoking rollies like a gutted out old hag.
Hubby: You suck wrinkly old blue cocks you spastic head fuck go home and look after Little Son you child neglecting no hope.
Hubby:Buy some new pants for work instead of beer you look like a hobo old scrag.
Hubby: You scabby old crow.
Hubby: Fucking hag.
Hubby: Fuck you slut.
Hubby: You pissweak monkey face bitch.
Hubby: Sloppy smelly cunt droopy titted cow.
Hubby: I will be coming over at four o'clock to get more of my stuff if you don't want m mouth full of abuse fuck for half an hour you skanky lying sack of shit.
Hubby: I've gone now.
Hubby: The bills are piling up on the fridge looks like you have a big month of partying in front of you don't forget the tyres so much fun to be had.
These are the fifty eight messages I've received since Easter. It's over. At Last.
Irrevocably.
He can leave me alone now.
I get the fucking message.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
(Oh How I Wish That I Was) Jessie's Girl...
The first time that I met Jessie was on board the HMAS Parramatta where he cooked me the worst bacon and eggs I've ever eaten in my life...
I forgave him for it; eventually- about ten years later if my memory serves Me correctly.
The second time I met him was at a party when I was still sixteen; I think it was his twenty-first birthday. Stan and Yobbo took Me and Dano; I suppose anyone who didn't know any better might have imagined that I was there with Stan- but I wasn't. The feelings he felt for Me were never mutual I'm afraid. I liked Jessie straight away; though that's not his real name of course. I've never called him by his real name either, though- so I suppose what name You know him by doesn't matter in the slightest. Stan told me that the reason behind Jessie's nickname was that it had been the name of an athlete from the Berlin Olympics; so if you want to go digging and delving into History then you can be my guest- try and work out his identity for yourselves.
But you'll never hear it from me; because to this day he is the only other man I think I could have loved and been happy with- aside from my Hubby of course...
If I have one Sexual Regret in my life then it's that Jessie and I didn't get to have sex on the one and only night when we both had the freedom to do so. If we had chosen to. It was a few months after I had turned seventeen when I ran into Jessie and his cousin Johnny at a night club. They both bought me drinks all night; but I stupidly chose to go home with Johnny instead of Jessie- thinking that Jess was only interested in me as a mate because of Stan- and also because he was five years older than me- and only went out with women; not little girls like Me.
And so I ended up back at the house- but with the wrong family member...
Johnny was alright; except that he was a terrible snorer. I had sex with him twice more before we got bored with each other. But because I never slept with Jessie I suppose I always have secretly wished that I did. The few times he Did kiss me he had the softest lips and the wildest tongue imaginable; though I worried he would never be able to kiss me slowly- as he would've if he had really been 'into' me.
He could make me feel dizzy just by looking at me with his intense black eyes; eyes that seemed to find me desirable and hot. By the time I realised that I wanted to fuck him-badly- it was too late; and I had already reunited with my Hubby. But I have seen Jessie since. There was a time when we even drank together regularly- but only ever as friends...
The last time I saw him he looked at me, his lust only thinly disguised, and told me that I was still as 'fine' as I ever was. It made my Year that he thought I was still rootable. We reminisced about That Time down at the beach when we were younger - and the Other Time at the bowling alley- which I think he had totally forgotten about until I reminded him- and then he left; before I could think about ruining the relationship I already have.
It's the closest I've ever come to cheating on my Hubby; and not because anything happened- but because I really would have liked it to. That's why I knew that I had to move away- needed to- even if it was only a few suburbs away; because it would get the Thought of Him out of my mind once and for all. And when I didn't see him every day I got over it. Really.
Jessie didn't want the kind of relationship that I had with my Hubby and Son and I would never give that up- having a family with them. It wouldn't feel right. I know that I've long missed the proverbial boat when it comes to being with Jessie- but it still made me smile when I was talking to one of our long-ago mutual friends, not all that long ago- and he told me that back then Jess had told him that he was really keen on a gorgeous girl with long black hair.
Me.
rn-buffoon...
I suppose that's why I've found Myself thinking of Jessie again recently, because he used to look at me in a way my Hubby never has- like everything I had to say was funny or sexy or interesting or whatever. Jesse listened to me when I raved on with my craziness and laughed when I spoke it out loud.
I know he thought I was rootable, too...
I just wish I had done something different about it when I first had the chance- when I was seventeen and not with my Hubby- things would have turned out very differently if I had- that's for sure.
It's long gone now- any chance of being with Jessie. I don't regret staying faithful to my Hubby, either, even though he never even knew until Just Now that I had ever considered being anything else but faithful to him.
Oh well. I was. And that's the most important thing isn't it?
Just thought I'd point that part out, though.
Twice...
I forgave him for it; eventually- about ten years later if my memory serves Me correctly.
The second time I met him was at a party when I was still sixteen; I think it was his twenty-first birthday. Stan and Yobbo took Me and Dano; I suppose anyone who didn't know any better might have imagined that I was there with Stan- but I wasn't. The feelings he felt for Me were never mutual I'm afraid. I liked Jessie straight away; though that's not his real name of course. I've never called him by his real name either, though- so I suppose what name You know him by doesn't matter in the slightest. Stan told me that the reason behind Jessie's nickname was that it had been the name of an athlete from the Berlin Olympics; so if you want to go digging and delving into History then you can be my guest- try and work out his identity for yourselves.
But you'll never hear it from me; because to this day he is the only other man I think I could have loved and been happy with- aside from my Hubby of course...
If I have one Sexual Regret in my life then it's that Jessie and I didn't get to have sex on the one and only night when we both had the freedom to do so. If we had chosen to. It was a few months after I had turned seventeen when I ran into Jessie and his cousin Johnny at a night club. They both bought me drinks all night; but I stupidly chose to go home with Johnny instead of Jessie- thinking that Jess was only interested in me as a mate because of Stan- and also because he was five years older than me- and only went out with women; not little girls like Me.
And so I ended up back at the house- but with the wrong family member...
Johnny was alright; except that he was a terrible snorer. I had sex with him twice more before we got bored with each other. But because I never slept with Jessie I suppose I always have secretly wished that I did. The few times he Did kiss me he had the softest lips and the wildest tongue imaginable; though I worried he would never be able to kiss me slowly- as he would've if he had really been 'into' me.
He could make me feel dizzy just by looking at me with his intense black eyes; eyes that seemed to find me desirable and hot. By the time I realised that I wanted to fuck him-badly- it was too late; and I had already reunited with my Hubby. But I have seen Jessie since. There was a time when we even drank together regularly- but only ever as friends...
The last time I saw him he looked at me, his lust only thinly disguised, and told me that I was still as 'fine' as I ever was. It made my Year that he thought I was still rootable. We reminisced about That Time down at the beach when we were younger - and the Other Time at the bowling alley- which I think he had totally forgotten about until I reminded him- and then he left; before I could think about ruining the relationship I already have.
It's the closest I've ever come to cheating on my Hubby; and not because anything happened- but because I really would have liked it to. That's why I knew that I had to move away- needed to- even if it was only a few suburbs away; because it would get the Thought of Him out of my mind once and for all. And when I didn't see him every day I got over it. Really.
Jessie didn't want the kind of relationship that I had with my Hubby and Son and I would never give that up- having a family with them. It wouldn't feel right. I know that I've long missed the proverbial boat when it comes to being with Jessie- but it still made me smile when I was talking to one of our long-ago mutual friends, not all that long ago- and he told me that back then Jess had told him that he was really keen on a gorgeous girl with long black hair.
Me.
rn-buffoon...
I suppose that's why I've found Myself thinking of Jessie again recently, because he used to look at me in a way my Hubby never has- like everything I had to say was funny or sexy or interesting or whatever. Jesse listened to me when I raved on with my craziness and laughed when I spoke it out loud.
I know he thought I was rootable, too...
I just wish I had done something different about it when I first had the chance- when I was seventeen and not with my Hubby- things would have turned out very differently if I had- that's for sure.
It's long gone now- any chance of being with Jessie. I don't regret staying faithful to my Hubby, either, even though he never even knew until Just Now that I had ever considered being anything else but faithful to him.
Oh well. I was. And that's the most important thing isn't it?
Just thought I'd point that part out, though.
Twice...
Confessions Of A Blogger...
1. My biggest sexual turn on is __________?
I've gone all shy since adding my face to this blog!
Had it Not been there I might've been tempted to tell you that what turns me on, sexually speaking, is watching other people doing It while I'm at It too. I've been in a foursome with my Hubby and another couple- and two threesomes (one of each 'persuasion' MFM/FMF) and can honestly say from experience that there is nothing quite like watching someone get Done at close range...
Of course, failing that- there's always porn.
Oh...hang on. I wasn't going to tell you all that- was I?
2. On a scale of 1-10, how jealous do you get (have you gotten)?
I didn't think I was an overly jealous person until my Hubby's brother and his wife won quite a large amount on the Lotto- one point six million to be precise. When my Hubby and I got their great news we laid down on our bed and bitched and groaned for two hours straight why couldn't it have been us. Even after they gave us ten grand I was still pissed off that they had won it. And I still am. They only won this money six years ago and have wasted the lot! Goneski! It still makes me sick with jealousy. Ten!
3. Have you ever had sex with someone you work(ed) with? Any negative consequences?
My Bastard Ex worked at the same racetrack as I did; but we didn't work for the same Trainer and it wasn't until After we had both left our jobs there that we even got together- so No.
I haven't had many jobs. Four. And none in fourteen years except that of Housewife and Mother. So Technically, I suppose, I sleep with the Boss...
4. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep?
Is this a trick? All three.
I like to wash up as I'm cooking dinner- and the pans, plates and forks are done straight after we eat.
Then it's nice to have a cuddle. And if I'm lucky (and so is he!) then we have a different kind of cuddle. The type of cuddle that elicit such questions as "What are you doing to Mummy?"
This isn't an easy question to answer a four year old.
And no they are Not sugar packets on the floor...
Then a quick Post-Coital ciggie and it's off to sleep. Night!
5. Which is more important of the two in "chemistry," physical attractiveness or sexual performance?
Physical attractiveness. If you aren't attracted to them physically you're hardly likely to jump into the sack with them are you? And if you're not in the sack with them- their sexual performance skills, or lack of them, don't make an iota of difference!
However- had the question been Which is more important of the two in "chemistry", physical attractiveness or mental attractiveness (hope y'all get at what I'm driving at here) then I don't think there is much of a dispute that with real 'chemistry' there is a spark between two individuals that often has little if nothing to do with physical attraction- but is more a meeting of the minds.
Doesn't hurt if they Are hot though, does it?
Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use?
Frangas. And after two kids if it's Not On then it's Not On. Besides I go mental on the Pill. And I like having a natural cycle; my moods are my own; for Better or Worse! Hubby kept telling me he'd have the snip on his 30th birthday- but that was four years ago and I'm still waiting...
I've gone all shy since adding my face to this blog!
Had it Not been there I might've been tempted to tell you that what turns me on, sexually speaking, is watching other people doing It while I'm at It too. I've been in a foursome with my Hubby and another couple- and two threesomes (one of each 'persuasion' MFM/FMF) and can honestly say from experience that there is nothing quite like watching someone get Done at close range...
Of course, failing that- there's always porn.
Oh...hang on. I wasn't going to tell you all that- was I?
2. On a scale of 1-10, how jealous do you get (have you gotten)?
I didn't think I was an overly jealous person until my Hubby's brother and his wife won quite a large amount on the Lotto- one point six million to be precise. When my Hubby and I got their great news we laid down on our bed and bitched and groaned for two hours straight why couldn't it have been us. Even after they gave us ten grand I was still pissed off that they had won it. And I still am. They only won this money six years ago and have wasted the lot! Goneski! It still makes me sick with jealousy. Ten!
3. Have you ever had sex with someone you work(ed) with? Any negative consequences?
My Bastard Ex worked at the same racetrack as I did; but we didn't work for the same Trainer and it wasn't until After we had both left our jobs there that we even got together- so No.
I haven't had many jobs. Four. And none in fourteen years except that of Housewife and Mother. So Technically, I suppose, I sleep with the Boss...
4. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep?
Is this a trick? All three.
I like to wash up as I'm cooking dinner- and the pans, plates and forks are done straight after we eat.
Then it's nice to have a cuddle. And if I'm lucky (and so is he!) then we have a different kind of cuddle. The type of cuddle that elicit such questions as "What are you doing to Mummy?"
This isn't an easy question to answer a four year old.
And no they are Not sugar packets on the floor...
Then a quick Post-Coital ciggie and it's off to sleep. Night!
5. Which is more important of the two in "chemistry," physical attractiveness or sexual performance?
Physical attractiveness. If you aren't attracted to them physically you're hardly likely to jump into the sack with them are you? And if you're not in the sack with them- their sexual performance skills, or lack of them, don't make an iota of difference!
However- had the question been Which is more important of the two in "chemistry", physical attractiveness or mental attractiveness (hope y'all get at what I'm driving at here) then I don't think there is much of a dispute that with real 'chemistry' there is a spark between two individuals that often has little if nothing to do with physical attraction- but is more a meeting of the minds.
Doesn't hurt if they Are hot though, does it?
Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use?
Frangas. And after two kids if it's Not On then it's Not On. Besides I go mental on the Pill. And I like having a natural cycle; my moods are my own; for Better or Worse! Hubby kept telling me he'd have the snip on his 30th birthday- but that was four years ago and I'm still waiting...
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
A Letter From My Three Sisters...
Hello Sister
We're all writing because you don't really talk to us anymore - I mean, just talk like a sister, it's only if something really bad has happened you bother with one of us, and even then usually you're off your face anyway, and you don't want to listen unless its something you want to hear. We figure if we write it down, you'll at least read this, even if you don't agree with one single thing we say.
We have been watching you go down, with both Hubby and the kids. We have been worried for years about you, but now we are more worried about Eldest Son and Little Son especially. We've all heard how you're happy with your life now and you have these great friends and all that, but whether that's true or not, we are unhappy with what you are doing to yourself and the kids. personally I don't believe you are really happy with your life, or you wouldn't still be so hysterical overtime something happens with Hubby that makes you have to go off and get drunk or stoned. People don't have to do shit like that unless they're unhappy - or addicts - so which are you?
I heard what happened last week because Mum asked me if any of us love her, since you had told her we all had crap childhood's and to ask us if she didn't believe us. Do I think there were some issues when we were growing up, sure, but nothing that's not too weird compared to anyone else ever. Even Prince Williams and Harry didn't have a perfect childhood. Do I think you are a better mother to the boys than our mother was to us? No, I actually don't. Our mother wasn't always particularly interested or very supportive in what we did, but our mother at least turned up when she had too. I've been to more of Eldest Son's concerts than you have, for god sake. Are they heaps of fun, no. Thats not the point though. I don't get how YOU can still be so angry at MUM for being disinterested in your stuff 18 years ago, but think it's fair enough that you don't go to anything of Eldest Son's on the basis that it's not your type of music, or you dont have anything in common with his friends mothers. Well, duh. What makes you think eldest Son won't be still whinging about how you neglected him 18 years from now for the same - but heaps WORSE - reasons. I don't remember you ever being put in a position of having to throw a chair between Mum and Dad to stop them fighting, and then running off into the night. Or watching Dad piss on Mum and Mum punch him out, and then getting dumped at Grammas so Mum can go off and get stoned, while you went without medicine. Nice touch that when you did turn up again last weekend, it was with your vodka and not little Son's medicine?
You want to blame Hubby for all that, fine, do it. But you're their MOTHER, you have the responsibility to decide what's best for them, and to take care of them first. Even if taking care of them first means you have to get over your obsession about Hubby and move out, or hey, actually spend time with them rather than going as as many nights as possible and leaving them for someone else to take care of. When was the last time you took them out anywhere special? Or spent time with them on a weekend? Dont insult anyone by saying you don't have the money for it, you clearly have enough to get drunk and stoned, you just would rather spend your money on yourself. If that's how it is, be their mother one last time, and make a decision about who they are better off with full time. If you dont want them and all that goes with it, then give them to someone who'll take real care of them.
My son died last year and I would give anything to have him back. Actually HAVE him, and spend time with him, and be there when he grows up. Watching how you are with the boys, especially little Son, makes me angry and sad. I wish you would think about what you have and think about how you'd feel if something happened to one of them, and you didn't have them anymore. And imagine what they'll look back in their childhood's were like, and how they'll think about you. If you're still this angry at Mum, how do you think they'll be with you later on?
Last thing. Aside from what sort of mother and daughter you have become I wonder if you think much about what sort of sister and friend you are these days. You made a big point to Mum asking if she knew the names of your high school friends. Well, me and Sister and Sister all still SEE our highschool friends. Where are yours? Driven off because they're all fucked or too boring or whatever. Is is it just a coincidence, or could you consider you're the common denominator in the problems you think everyone ELSE has. The only thing i got out of you last time we talked was that we all need to remember you're going through a "divorce"... me and little Sister have already been divorced and that didn't end up in us neglecting our families. Middle Sister is so pregnant she needs her Partner's mum to move there from Adelaide to help her out - while you're just down the road - and she was the one helping you get ready for little Son. Little Sister's dealing with 3 little kids and her Oldest being left by his Dad. I'm in therapy. Where are you in all this for us?
If you want help, we'll help you, we miss you. But we can't watch this anymore
Oldest Sister
Sister,
Oldest Sister sent me an email briefly outlining your weekend which ended in mum in tears asking whether or not any of us loved her. Look at what YOU actually did yourself that weekend regarding your behaviour and the impact of that on little Son in particular and eldest Son. Well, listen here, you have NO RIGHT to speak to Mum on anyone's behalf, especially considering that mum has done more for your kids than any others. You really are out of line in speaking at all. Without her support where would your kids be? What figment of your imagination has your childhood painted as such a nightmare that it is so much worse than the childhood you have provided for your kids? You are such a fucking hypocrite if you think your childhood was worse than the reality of what your kid's has been. How many times did you see our parents fight, hit each other, put holes in the walls, piss on each other or even swear at each other????? How many times did our parents dump us at Grandma's for the weekend so they could go to parties and get drunk and full of drugs???? I can't seem to remember any such weekends. My bet is that Sister and Sister can't either so where do you get these ideas that your childhood was so fucked??
Sure mum and dad weren't into Pony Club but what sports do you take your kids to on the weekend, even as spectators? How dare you judge them when your weekends are just filled with drugs and alcohol, week after week? Family, well you don't have a fucking clue what that means you are so drug fucked, a junkie (you don't need heroin be be a junkie you know). Wakeup you need to realise how far your life has spiralled downwards and you are dragging your kids with you. Mum is trying to stop their lives from being fucked up by you. It's been devastating to watch you do this to yourself and your kids. Mum has enabled a lot of your behaviour simply by having them so you can go out, but she has been in a catch 22 with it, because what would you have done if you had no one to mind the kids all weekend, gone out anyway??? That is what mum fears would be the case, or that you would take them with you and they would be exposed to more of your sick behaviour.
Personally if she hadn't had to spend so much time doing your job raising your kids, she might have had more time for the other grandkids. You have been so selfish for the last 16 years. Do you really think you had it so bad? For fuck sake compare your childhood with your kid's and then answer the question.
And DO NOT EVER speak to mum on my behalf again.
Middle Sister
Sister, you are my sister and I love you....but stuff has to be said before you destroy yourself ! Where do I begin! This isn't exactly the easiest letter I've ever had to write.
We've watched you for the past couple of years and have all been worried for you. You say you're happy with your life but nothing could be further from the truth.You and I have had conversation and I've told you what I think about your relationship with Hubby and what you should do not only for yourself but for your kids. Is it that hard for you to see just how toxic this is to to your life! You are in a chronically vicous cycle which is spinning out of control and my concern is how much worse are you going to make this for yourself .....and the people you profess to love? (HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN YOU GO BEFORE YOU HIT BOTTOM?!!!!!)
I want you to remember yourself at 18 and you used to party hard even back then but in all honesty you are out of control! You party far harder than most people I know (and they don't have kids , or bills to pay!)
What worries me most is the effect this has on your kids. Eldest Son has the ability of getting away from all of this to some degree but little Son can't escape from it!Do you think he's going to be unscathed from watching yourself and Hubby getting wasted and then beating the crap out of each other? FOR FUCKS SAKE HE THINKS IT'S NORMAL!!!!
Now I'm thinking that you're thinking I'm a hypocrite, yeah I smoke weed and drink, but I'm not out every weekend dumping my kids on their grandparents just so I can do this.I can't even remember the last time I had a night off,or wanted to! Everything I do is for my family and I constantly put myself last not out of duty but for shear neccessity I cannot possibly smoke weed and get drunk every night and manage to pay a mortgage and my bills and then put food on the table.
Our parents might not have been their emotionally for us every time we needed them but they always came through for us when we really needed them ! And although they themselves had their issues they never laid a hand on us or each other!
Why would you want something worse for yourself?
I don't appreciate you telling mum that none of us love her! Now that's just a plain and horrible lie ! How could you even say that to our mother? SHE'S OUR MOTHER!!!!!!! Would you like your kids to say that to you!
Stuff might have happened to me but I don't blame mum and dad for the crap that's gone on! They worked bloody hard to get us through school and give us oppurtunities that they themselves never had .Our lives we're far better than theirs! They did their job! Now it's our turn to do the same!
Mum might not have made me lunch every day but I can make my son's
Mum might not have taken interest in me playing nettball, but I CAN take an interest in my kids activities
Mum and Dad might not have had the ideal peachy relationship but I can have relationship that is better than theirs could have been! Do you get what I'm saying to you?
MUM MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THEIR FOR YOU WHEN MCGEE DID HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU BUT IF YOU'D TOLD HER AND GIVEN HER THE CHANCE TO DEFEND YOU SHE WOULD HAVE!
WE ARE THE MASTER OF OUR HAPPINESS OR OUR MISERY!
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF?
DO YOU WANT HAPPINESS OR DO YOU WANT MISERY Sister?
ONLY YOU CAN DIG YOURSELF OUT OF THE HOLE YOU'VE DUG FOR YOURSELF
We're all writing because you don't really talk to us anymore - I mean, just talk like a sister, it's only if something really bad has happened you bother with one of us, and even then usually you're off your face anyway, and you don't want to listen unless its something you want to hear. We figure if we write it down, you'll at least read this, even if you don't agree with one single thing we say.
We have been watching you go down, with both Hubby and the kids. We have been worried for years about you, but now we are more worried about Eldest Son and Little Son especially. We've all heard how you're happy with your life now and you have these great friends and all that, but whether that's true or not, we are unhappy with what you are doing to yourself and the kids. personally I don't believe you are really happy with your life, or you wouldn't still be so hysterical overtime something happens with Hubby that makes you have to go off and get drunk or stoned. People don't have to do shit like that unless they're unhappy - or addicts - so which are you?
I heard what happened last week because Mum asked me if any of us love her, since you had told her we all had crap childhood's and to ask us if she didn't believe us. Do I think there were some issues when we were growing up, sure, but nothing that's not too weird compared to anyone else ever. Even Prince Williams and Harry didn't have a perfect childhood. Do I think you are a better mother to the boys than our mother was to us? No, I actually don't. Our mother wasn't always particularly interested or very supportive in what we did, but our mother at least turned up when she had too. I've been to more of Eldest Son's concerts than you have, for god sake. Are they heaps of fun, no. Thats not the point though. I don't get how YOU can still be so angry at MUM for being disinterested in your stuff 18 years ago, but think it's fair enough that you don't go to anything of Eldest Son's on the basis that it's not your type of music, or you dont have anything in common with his friends mothers. Well, duh. What makes you think eldest Son won't be still whinging about how you neglected him 18 years from now for the same - but heaps WORSE - reasons. I don't remember you ever being put in a position of having to throw a chair between Mum and Dad to stop them fighting, and then running off into the night. Or watching Dad piss on Mum and Mum punch him out, and then getting dumped at Grammas so Mum can go off and get stoned, while you went without medicine. Nice touch that when you did turn up again last weekend, it was with your vodka and not little Son's medicine?
You want to blame Hubby for all that, fine, do it. But you're their MOTHER, you have the responsibility to decide what's best for them, and to take care of them first. Even if taking care of them first means you have to get over your obsession about Hubby and move out, or hey, actually spend time with them rather than going as as many nights as possible and leaving them for someone else to take care of. When was the last time you took them out anywhere special? Or spent time with them on a weekend? Dont insult anyone by saying you don't have the money for it, you clearly have enough to get drunk and stoned, you just would rather spend your money on yourself. If that's how it is, be their mother one last time, and make a decision about who they are better off with full time. If you dont want them and all that goes with it, then give them to someone who'll take real care of them.
My son died last year and I would give anything to have him back. Actually HAVE him, and spend time with him, and be there when he grows up. Watching how you are with the boys, especially little Son, makes me angry and sad. I wish you would think about what you have and think about how you'd feel if something happened to one of them, and you didn't have them anymore. And imagine what they'll look back in their childhood's were like, and how they'll think about you. If you're still this angry at Mum, how do you think they'll be with you later on?
Last thing. Aside from what sort of mother and daughter you have become I wonder if you think much about what sort of sister and friend you are these days. You made a big point to Mum asking if she knew the names of your high school friends. Well, me and Sister and Sister all still SEE our highschool friends. Where are yours? Driven off because they're all fucked or too boring or whatever. Is is it just a coincidence, or could you consider you're the common denominator in the problems you think everyone ELSE has. The only thing i got out of you last time we talked was that we all need to remember you're going through a "divorce"... me and little Sister have already been divorced and that didn't end up in us neglecting our families. Middle Sister is so pregnant she needs her Partner's mum to move there from Adelaide to help her out - while you're just down the road - and she was the one helping you get ready for little Son. Little Sister's dealing with 3 little kids and her Oldest being left by his Dad. I'm in therapy. Where are you in all this for us?
If you want help, we'll help you, we miss you. But we can't watch this anymore
Oldest Sister
Sister,
Oldest Sister sent me an email briefly outlining your weekend which ended in mum in tears asking whether or not any of us loved her. Look at what YOU actually did yourself that weekend regarding your behaviour and the impact of that on little Son in particular and eldest Son. Well, listen here, you have NO RIGHT to speak to Mum on anyone's behalf, especially considering that mum has done more for your kids than any others. You really are out of line in speaking at all. Without her support where would your kids be? What figment of your imagination has your childhood painted as such a nightmare that it is so much worse than the childhood you have provided for your kids? You are such a fucking hypocrite if you think your childhood was worse than the reality of what your kid's has been. How many times did you see our parents fight, hit each other, put holes in the walls, piss on each other or even swear at each other????? How many times did our parents dump us at Grandma's for the weekend so they could go to parties and get drunk and full of drugs???? I can't seem to remember any such weekends. My bet is that Sister and Sister can't either so where do you get these ideas that your childhood was so fucked??
Sure mum and dad weren't into Pony Club but what sports do you take your kids to on the weekend, even as spectators? How dare you judge them when your weekends are just filled with drugs and alcohol, week after week? Family, well you don't have a fucking clue what that means you are so drug fucked, a junkie (you don't need heroin be be a junkie you know). Wakeup you need to realise how far your life has spiralled downwards and you are dragging your kids with you. Mum is trying to stop their lives from being fucked up by you. It's been devastating to watch you do this to yourself and your kids. Mum has enabled a lot of your behaviour simply by having them so you can go out, but she has been in a catch 22 with it, because what would you have done if you had no one to mind the kids all weekend, gone out anyway??? That is what mum fears would be the case, or that you would take them with you and they would be exposed to more of your sick behaviour.
Personally if she hadn't had to spend so much time doing your job raising your kids, she might have had more time for the other grandkids. You have been so selfish for the last 16 years. Do you really think you had it so bad? For fuck sake compare your childhood with your kid's and then answer the question.
And DO NOT EVER speak to mum on my behalf again.
Middle Sister
Sister, you are my sister and I love you....but stuff has to be said before you destroy yourself ! Where do I begin! This isn't exactly the easiest letter I've ever had to write.
We've watched you for the past couple of years and have all been worried for you. You say you're happy with your life but nothing could be further from the truth.You and I have had conversation and I've told you what I think about your relationship with Hubby and what you should do not only for yourself but for your kids. Is it that hard for you to see just how toxic this is to to your life! You are in a chronically vicous cycle which is spinning out of control and my concern is how much worse are you going to make this for yourself .....and the people you profess to love? (HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN YOU GO BEFORE YOU HIT BOTTOM?!!!!!)
I want you to remember yourself at 18 and you used to party hard even back then but in all honesty you are out of control! You party far harder than most people I know (and they don't have kids , or bills to pay!)
What worries me most is the effect this has on your kids. Eldest Son has the ability of getting away from all of this to some degree but little Son can't escape from it!Do you think he's going to be unscathed from watching yourself and Hubby getting wasted and then beating the crap out of each other? FOR FUCKS SAKE HE THINKS IT'S NORMAL!!!!
Now I'm thinking that you're thinking I'm a hypocrite, yeah I smoke weed and drink, but I'm not out every weekend dumping my kids on their grandparents just so I can do this.I can't even remember the last time I had a night off,or wanted to! Everything I do is for my family and I constantly put myself last not out of duty but for shear neccessity I cannot possibly smoke weed and get drunk every night and manage to pay a mortgage and my bills and then put food on the table.
Our parents might not have been their emotionally for us every time we needed them but they always came through for us when we really needed them ! And although they themselves had their issues they never laid a hand on us or each other!
Why would you want something worse for yourself?
I don't appreciate you telling mum that none of us love her! Now that's just a plain and horrible lie ! How could you even say that to our mother? SHE'S OUR MOTHER!!!!!!! Would you like your kids to say that to you!
Stuff might have happened to me but I don't blame mum and dad for the crap that's gone on! They worked bloody hard to get us through school and give us oppurtunities that they themselves never had .Our lives we're far better than theirs! They did their job! Now it's our turn to do the same!
Mum might not have made me lunch every day but I can make my son's
Mum might not have taken interest in me playing nettball, but I CAN take an interest in my kids activities
Mum and Dad might not have had the ideal peachy relationship but I can have relationship that is better than theirs could have been! Do you get what I'm saying to you?
MUM MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THEIR FOR YOU WHEN MCGEE DID HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU BUT IF YOU'D TOLD HER AND GIVEN HER THE CHANCE TO DEFEND YOU SHE WOULD HAVE!
WE ARE THE MASTER OF OUR HAPPINESS OR OUR MISERY!
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF?
DO YOU WANT HAPPINESS OR DO YOU WANT MISERY Sister?
ONLY YOU CAN DIG YOURSELF OUT OF THE HOLE YOU'VE DUG FOR YOURSELF
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