The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth...

Things were going Swimmingly...

It was my best mate M's thirtieth birthday last Thursday. Dirty Thirty. Finally. She's only been telling Me it's her birthday Soon for weeks. Months. She was working but when I messaged her in the morning to say happy birthday and to I tell her I'd shout her some Hot Cock (that's our slang for Red Rooster) for lunch. It was an early day for a Thursday- her and Suey were both at the pub by one o'clock. And that was where I met them.

We weren't doing so well on the Pokies; I was down by about fifty dollars already and only on my second or third Middy of VB. Suey had to catch the bus home early and wasn't on the piss; then M and I decided to have Steak-burgers and chips at the Pub instead of Hot Cock at Red Rooster- and after we ordered lunch, and while we were waiting, we both put ten dollars into the same machine. It was called Fifty Lions. It made sense. She's a Leo.

Now I don't know if You All have heard about that book that Oprah has been touting lately; The Secret. I haven't read it and know very little about the concept- but from what I can gather the general premise to getting what you want out of life is just to Ask for it. And then you shall receive.

So we tried it.

I asked for Features. And Lions. And Diamonds.

And time and again- to the tune of nine hundred dollars- they kept spitting them up.

So M and I were up over four hundred and fifty dollars each. She then won another two hundred out of a different machine. Happy Birthday indeed! We could do no wrong!

After eating my steak and egg burger I had ovum all ovum Myself...

Then I dropped M up to her daughter's school and collected little Son. I didn't have to get Hubby as he was home; sick with a killer Man-Cold. I don't doubt that he was sick but I wasn't worried about contracting whatever he had either. Girls can't catch Man-Cold's.

When I got home I told him I was meeting Fido, Twink and Bar Chick at the Pub for Trivia. He told me he was dying; had Leukaemia and needed dialysis. I paid eldest Son fifty dollars out of my winnings to keep an eye on them Both and left; relatively guilt-free.

Bar Chick and I won the Trivia. Okay. I did. Then Bar Chick won four hundred on the pokies, too. Then I dropped her home. Hubby was furious even though I was home before ten thirty. Probably because he was Just Jealous. If He hadn't of been so sick I would have loved to rub it in what a great day I'd had. Even though His had been so Rotten.

In the morning I had to go to work. Hubby was even worse than the night before; in fact he asked me to stay home from work and look after him. Then- when I told Him I couldn't do that- he asked me to bring him some 'Campbell's Chunky Chicken' home with Me for his lunch. His kidneys were swollen up and he said again he needed dialysis; so I told him that if he thought he was actually going to die while I was away he should call himself an ambulance. He wasn't impressed...

So I brought home two kilo's of pumpkin and made him a massive pot of soup. From scratch. With proper stock and everything.

He ate just two spoons. And fell asleep. I let his poor sick-arse have the bed and stayed on the lounge to avoid contamination.

Saturday morning I got up early and did all the jobs around the house that I'd neglected to do throughout the week. Hubby was feeling better at last- and so we decided to go ahead with our plans for the night; a Surprise 50th for one of our drinking buddies from the Pub. We'd only found out about it on Wednesday; this is the reason I hadn't put in to have the following day off work; but figured as Hubby was only just recovered from being sick we'd end up having a fairly early night.

Wrong.

We dropped little Son over to Grandma's about three; then went to the Pub to meet Twink and Mac. About six we got a Taxi over to Jen Jen's and from there it was on to the party. Are you still following along...

The party was pretty tame for our Mob- though not in an awful kind of way; so about an hour after the food had come out we made our apologies and left early; catching a cab into the nightclub area of Hammo. It was still reasonably early; only about eleven thirty- but Hubby was refused entry at the first pub we tried- and I was refused on the same grounds (intoxication) at the next pub we tried. As it so happened we were on the same street as the Hotel where I worked; and so I ducked in and got the young girl from Front Desk to call me and Hubby a Taxi home. It took a while to arrive but we were home by about one am. We sat up and talked; too trashed to sleep- then fucked for a while. Then I set the alarm on my phone for ten to eight.

Ten to Eight. Reverse that.

And went to bed.

It was almost six am...

And Hubby is prodding Me awake; telling Me the Snooze button on my mobile phone alarm clock has been going off for ages. It's on the floor. Inside my inside-out jeans. Muted.

It's eight past ten. What can I say? Dylsexia (sic) runs in my fambily (sic).

I don't bother to shower. Or brush my teeth. I stink of alcohol and sex...

But I get to work. I sign on at ten thirty three.

Lucky it's Sunday. No Big Boss. It's a crappy big work load on our worksheet, though. Heaps of Departures and Two-Bedders. M was working too- but was leaving at twelve. Suey was Supervisor for the day; so that left me and Nazza (as we call her) working together for the majority of the day.

I won't pretend I wasn't feeling like shit on toast but I wouldn't have dared to complain. And though Nazza did most of the bathrooms I still feel like I more than pulled my stinky deadweight through the hard four hour shift. In fact, You could call me Rupert from now on if you like; because I worked my Cunt out last Sunday. Like I always do. Even though the Kid in Reception fucked up those Arrivals because He was hungover himself; was actually caught napping on Front Desk- even though Suey, Nazza and I had to stay behind and do those room changes that the Kid in Reception authorised but Won't get in trouble for because He is the Big Boss's son...

Anyway; that's all Well and Good. Shit Happens. Doesn't it.

Monday; I'd asked for the day off work so I could go to little Son's school athletic carnival. He came last in his race; and didn't stop running at the end of the race for another hundred or so metres- but it was a good day in all. Until I got a message from J.

J is my Boss. She reads this blog. She's the Only person who I personally Know that does. And she's my Boss. Hi J. Make sure you leave a comment and tell everyone in Blogland how cool I am. Anyway; J sent me a message asking me to come into work to talk about Sunday. She called Me mate in the text; so I knew while it wasn't going to be good it wasn't going to be too rough either. It's only J; I kept telling Myself. I knew it would be about me turning up late and hungover; but I didn't realise how much shit I was in until I got there.

My first clue was the blank entries next to my name on the Roster. Then Office Chick didn't look me in the eye when she came out of Big Boss's office. I swear; that Chick would crawl up Big Boss's arse if given half the chance- J will back Me up on this...

M and J were out the back in the Laundry. M went to buy some smokes before they headed into the Linen Expo. J asked Me what happened on Sunday. She was pretty good about it; I could tell she didn't want to give me a hard time. She didn't have much choice but to suspend Me for a week; seeing as Big Boss had called for Me to be fired immediately and would have if J had not asked her for another chance for Me; in effect saving my job.

(NB Thanks J; for sticking your neck out for Me. I appreciate it. Even Before all this I had Already voted for You as Employee of the Year. Don't tell M!)

So I'm suspended for a week. I'm a bit pissed about it to be honest; mostly at Myself because if I'd just thought to turn my phone up- or even just have had a shower and I wouldn't have stunk so bad- then I wouldn't be sitting around here bored waiting for the Pub to open. Ha. Just joking. Actually it's been a good two days so far; I got my Tax cheque back and have been busy shopping for a new bed and linen and clothes. And eldest Son's birthday presents. And I've done a big grocery shop for the first time in ages. And all my washing's done. And the bills are paid. And I've got money in the bank. Hooray.

I'm under no delusion if I'm late and hungover again I'll be sacked; and while I have always endeavoured to do my best at Any work I do(however menial) I can't help thinking how undervalued I am by Big Boss. Admittedly; I don't have all that much to do with her- and even less in common. She's all fake tan and stilettos; and I'm a nudist in bare feet. That She would sack me as soon as not speak to me again makes me feel uncomfortable.

This job as a cleaner at the Hotel I work for was never going to be permanent. Only for a year or so. Because it was good hours for the children and school. Because it got Me out of the house. Because it made me appreciate that what I want to do is write but that I had Nothing to write about. Before. I'm grateful for the work; and I really like the people I work with- but it's also time to start looking for something else.

Because, let's face it People, it's only a matter of time before I fuck up again.

I'm pretty much on my last leg...

And I want to mean More.