The Storm Before The Calm...

It went on until Saturday...

Eight days in all. You would think I'd stop counting these things by now.

I knew it was serious this time; that He was serious when he said he was going to leave Me- mostly because I hadn't told anyone about it;at all. Aside for the few visitors to this Blog. Normally I tell. Usually I'm the first to let people know whenever Hubby and I fight. But I don't want Them knowing this time. How He looked at me with not an ounce of caring. How he spoke. How I did not crumble even when he told me that he didn't even want to try anymore.

"I can go Nowhere by Myself", he told me.

"Then we don't have to fight anymore, Hubby. Do we? About any of It. Now all we can hope for is that one day we might be Something like Friends. In the Mean Time we've just got to restrain from killing each other."

That was Thursday...

Friday night we stayed in.

Saturday morning the alarm went off at six. We got up, showered, and then drove little Son over to my Parent's where he was staying for the day and night while we went on a pre-paid Bus Trip with all of our friends. Business as usual. It's an annual event that our mate Fido organises; for the past six years we've gone to a small country fair and thrown bricks and rolling pins whilst rolling drunk and off our guts. It's a fun day out for all the family; but this is a drinking trip. Make no mistake about that. The day is far too rude and rowdy for children. So little Son went to Grandma's for the night. As planned.

We picked up Twink and Jase on the way over to Fido's; cracking our first beer while we waited for the barbecue breakfast to finish cooking. There's only five girls along for the ride. There's Me and Jen Jen, and Miss Fancy Pants of course. And then there's Vick, who's married to one of the blokes in the Fishing Club, and last but not least was Bar Chick; an almost 40 who my Hubby would rather fuck than Me. By all accounts. His.

It's not a secret;but it's not common knowledge either. Because it's Twink who's had his eye on her for the past two years. They might have even ended up together eventually if Twink hadn't gotten his Casual Fuck pregnant last year and become a Daddy for the first time. Still; they are both single and Hubby is not. Not. I don't care if he's telling me he's leaving me. He hasn't. Not yet. And it's Never over until the Fat Lady sings.

Got it?

Maybe they have more in common than Me and Him do. Maybe She is his friend and I'm not. Irrelevance in my eyes. She's made out in the Past that she's my friend and I'd like to believe her; it's just hard to want to be great friends with someone when she looks at your husband with the eyes that she does sometimes.

I should know. I've looked at him. Like that.

He's still mine...

I forced myself between them whilst the barbecue was still being cooked. Hubby starts telling a story about why our friends CC and Norty haven't made it this morning. According to him; it's because CC is an Ice addict and Norty is leaving her; but I know that this isn't the case. CC Isn't an Ice addict. Not even close. But it still makes me choke on my egg and bacon roll; makes me want to throw back up the one mouthful I'd already swallowed- when Hubby tells Everybody around the barbecue that he and Norty have talked about moving out together. Leaving Me and CC. Who's pregnant. And the three children we have between us All already.

Suddenly it's not just a matter of trying to Put On A Brave Face for everyone.

Suddenly the thought of being without Him makes me want to vomit.

"That's one Hell of a Party Pimple". It's Bar Chick. Talking to Me. Maybe it was nice of her to change the subject.

"Actually it's just a zit. On my lip." That was a lie. Shit happens. Especially when you're stressed.

Fido is calling for everyone to hurry up onto the Bus; so I chuck my uneaten brekkie-roll to Lucas the Dog and clamber on board. Hubby ends up sitting next to Me; but more from dumb luck than any kind of wanting to. I guess when all your friends know you have been together with the same person for seventeen years they come to view you as a couple.

Four beers later we arrive at our destination. Main Street. There's Pony Clubbers riding ahead of the Grand Parade; and Miss Fancy Pants, Jen Jen and I cheer on the SES guys as they go past. The whole thing is over in less than fifteen minutes- and after a much-needed loo-break we follow it down to the Showground. Where Naturally, everybody heads straight for the beer tent...

I don't want You All to think Hubby ignored me the entire day; We actually took a walk around the Market stalls and bought little Son a couple of knick-knacks at one stage. But for the most part he didn't leave Bar Chick's side for long. I tried not to let it ruin my day; I hung out with Kiwi Kiev and his nephew for a while; and then threw a personal best rolling pin (of seventy seven feet)- but it was Fido's big moment when he took out the Men's Open Brick Throw with a throw of one hundred and ten feet. He's only been trying to win for six years; every year he's entered he's always been the Runner-up to the same guy- a one-time champion State Discuss thrower...

We yahooed for an hour after he won.

Then it was time to walk back up to the Pub where we were meeting the bus to take us home.

Everyone was trashed. Drunk, wasted and happy about it. Slippers and Crispy had been 'rumbling' down near the grandstand; Slippers was covered in blood and needed a trip past the ambulance station- but all in all it had been a fairly mundane Bus Trip. Until we got back to Fido's.

Before Twink came along my Hubby's best mate was Danny; they were in the same pre-apprenticeship course when they were both still in their teens. Dan's going through a hard time at the moment- having split up with his Missus recently; and we hadn't seen him in a while before Today. Earlier at the pub I'd told him about the fights Hubby and I had been having lately- and confided in him that Hubby was ready to leave me. Dan told me he'd speak to him for me- told me that he'd tell him how much I wanted this to work.

But then Dan fell off the bus when he was trying to get off; face-planting the gutter- he must have tripped on the esky at the front. Fido got to him first and he was unconsious but he came around in about half a minute. They called an ambulance. Most of us were already off the bus and had gone inside to play darts and pool, but as soon as I heard Danny had hurt himself I went out to find him.

Fido, Chrispy and I sat with Dan. His eye socket and cheek bone were broken and he was spitting teeth and blood and in pretty obvious pain. I held his hand tightly while we waited for the Ambo's to arrive; and kept telling his smashed-up face that help was on it's way. He was an absolute mess and kept asking for Hubby- but He was still inside with Bar Chick in the middle of Something More Important. Even though he Knew.

Chrispy and Dan left in the ambulance. We later heard he wasn't given pain relief because at point two seven blood alcohol limit they weren't about to give him anything. I got ready to leave for Jen Jen's where we were having a barbecue and kicking on drinking for the rest of the night. Hubby and Bar Chick finished their game of pool. I told Hubby Dan had been asking for him.

"He looked fucking Awful. He was crying out for you. And me. Where the bloody Hell were You?"

We left Fido's and headed to Jen Jen's; Twink and Bar Chick as well. Hubby was still paying her more attention than he was Me. And I'd had enough.

I can't remember the exact words; but I told Him in no uncertain terms how it made me feel watching him and Bar Chick flirting together all day. I told him that he'd left me out. Embarrassed Me. Let me down. And for What?

He got angry when I suggested he wanted to fuck Bar Chick or Miss Fancy Pants.He said something like...

"She would slap me down if I even suggested it; so would Miss Fancy Pants. Unlike Mac with you. He would fuck you at the drop of a hat"

(NB We hadn't even been discussing Mac until this point. He hadn't even been on the Bus Trip. Regular readers will know Mac is one of my best friends in the World- but at 51 and with Falsey's he is sadly not a contender for Buffoon's true love and affection! Yes. I am that shallow.)

By his answer I concluded He's at least thought about it. And it's Typical of him to try and turn things around on Me when it suits him.

Then he told me that I was Just Jealous.

I thought That had been his intention all along.

He can't relate to people without connatations...

I don't know When he began to listen to what I was saying but talk soon turned to Change; or changing. And before I knew it is was four o'clock in the morning and we were sitting at Jen Jen's dining table alone, holding hands and making promises.

Maybe it was because of the full moon; but we didn't stop fucking until six.

Would you believe I've been writing this post for three days now?

Doesn't Time fly?

Since then- or at least until Today- which will have to wait for Tommorrow...

This is what it's like when it's Good.

Obviously I'm just Weak...