The Epiphany...

This is the second time I've written this...

It would be so much easier to actually Say than write.

Everything seems so much simpler when you are off your head.

So Whose birthday was it, anyway?

That's right, it was Vee's.

Continuing on...

We should start at the beginning.

So I took a little Trip; the first one I'd had in months.

It kicked in. Hubby turned up. Twink Started.

Told me that the Party was over. Literally.

That this party was my Wake.

"Turn around and look into the Light, Ruth. It's time to Go. Josh is going to be here any minute with a cigarette for you. Just wait and see."

"Fuck Off, Stu".

On and On. It went. Until I believed him. I'm the most gullible person I know when I'm on drugs. I take everything literally.

Suddenly; Religion made sense.

And I'm an Agnostic of the highest order. I studied Philosophy at University for nine years to find out why an orange is orange; and I found out in first year but could never remember what it is because I was drunk at the time I thought it. All that I Do remember is that it has something to do with A Flea's Small World.

So That's what I called my first Memoir.

But back to my Epiphany...

I have decided to believe that Twink is god; and am crying hysterically because I realise that god Himself has chosen Me as His friend; made Me his personal mate because as an Agnostic he realises that the "Change" over will be a difficult one for me.

Hubby comes over and gives me a smoke. So Twink's prophecy comes True.

I've lost the Plot. I ask Hubby where my body is? Because it must have been somewhere while I've been making up my fantasy of a Life.

And How long have I been dying for?

And what of?

He says Pleurisy.

Mind You All; He doesn't remember this conversation. Even the Next day. But I do.

I ask him Who will look after my Kids when I am dead? He tells me that he will.

Or his mother.

I tell him that she's a Bitch...

He doesn't remember. But I Do.

Twink: Your head hurts; doesn't it? Look into the Light.

I started to think that I'd been wrong my entire Philosophical life; but at the same time was grateful that if I Had to be wrong about the whole Evolution versus Religion debate then at least I'd been in some sort of drug induced coma or some sort of pre-after-life that gave me time to come to terms with being a Non-believer and being confronted with their worst fear.

For Me; I guess it's Mortality.

I kissed Twink on the mouth, People. Because I believed that he was god. At the time.

Who better than your Best Friend to be god?

At the time; I thought it rather nice of god to put in such an effort.

That's why I kissed him.

And it would make a great script; hey?

In the end; Hubby drove me home; after I'd accused some Elf-Chick of trying to fuck my Hubby. After I'd accused my friend Moe of being an Angel.

He stayed up with me; because I was too afraid to sleep. I didn't think I was going to wake up. Twink had told me I wasn't going to see my kids again.

In my drug-haze I thought I was Mary and Hubby was Joseph.

Mary: I knew we were Special. I knew our Kids were the Ones.

Mary: Tell me something about you that I don't know.

Mary: Tell me that You love me.

1...2...3...Cry....

And on it continued for the next few hours.

When I next saw Twink at the Pub; he had no recollections. He pissed his pants laughing just at the thought of telling me to Look Into The Light and Me believing it. As well he should.

I want to do justice to this story...

So I'll have to come back. Soon.