For The Uninitiated Among You...

Life is full of insignificant moments. I'm having one of them right now.

I am sitting on a rock weeding, and I've decided that I won't stop until my fingers start to bleed or I am bitten by a spider- whichever happens first. I couldn't give a shit either way.

I have gloves, somewhere, but I don't care to wear them because I'm not really in a gardening mood, even though I am almost raising a sweat. I only came outside to have a smoke and to brood, actually; the thin blades of grass that I viciously pluck from the Earth are feeling the heat of my mood at least. Better them than my Hubby, I guess; He probably doesn't even realise that I've got the shits at him yet.

It's still early...

Im still in the same clothes that I wore to bed in fact- the sun hasn't cleared the fence and I'm sitting beneath it's cold shadow out of sight; out of His mind. I can hear my neighbours eating breakfast on their back verandah. Ben must be giving Poppy some of his bacon. She's their Border Collie that they got for Anna's birthday last year. Their other sheepdog, Georgie, is barking at my kitten, who is almost full-grown. He's smarter than both of them put together.

Mickey's peering curiously at Georgie through the wooden fence- teasing her nose gently with his paw- because he knows that she can't get to him. Let the silly bitch bark, he's thinking. Sometimes he'll climb up the Sap-tree that's next to the fence so that the dogs can get a really good look at him- but I doubt he'll be so brave again if he ever falls off his wobbly little branch.

My little Son loves it when the dogs go ape at the cat, but he's not here this morning to enjoy it. He slept at Munnaa's last night- that's Grandma to you and Me, in case you are wondering- and I've still got a few hours to kill before I have to leave and go pick him up and take everybody to the park. I think it's Someone's birthday...

So, in between the weeding and my sulking, let Myself introduce 'me' to you.

Put away your angry red pens. That's not a typo- you heard it right the first time- and you would understand how this is so, if you've had the benefit of reading my stories from A Flea's Small World and been introduced to rn_buffoon. He/She is a very important part of my little stories...

This was always going to be the hardest part of it all- explaining everything without having to explain Everything again, but- in a Nut Shell- I have an undiagnosed mental condition. I think. Then again I might just be paranoid after having too much marijuana today- apparently, according to my Psychologist friend, there are such side-effects.

I'll let You be the judge- but judge me not too harshly. I'm a big girl now, and I'm not asking you for your permission to smoke, drink or take drugs. Besides the drug-taking, which is mostly recreational as opposed to habitual, and the fact that I'm mental and unemployed, I'm actually quite a functional person, on the surface at least. I don't do 'crazy voices'. I can manage the house most of the time and I almost always love the People that I live with.

I can't help the way that I think, either. Not really. For the Uninitiated among you, these are conversations of my mind, and how I live my life everyday- regardless of whether I'm bent or if I'm straight- which I have also been known to be, from time to time and on occasion. You don't have to be too worried- I doubt that You will ever think in the same ways that I do, so reading my little stories should do you no long-term harm in the long-run. If you're uncomfortable with the Mental Tag that I just gave myself, then just try and think of me as a Written Expressionist- that's what I've been calling Myself to the few people who are interested enough to ask me.

So...With that in mind I ask you- why not come on a little ride with me, Miss Construed, and see where we end up. What have you got to lose?

And just in case I forget to do it later I promise to never mention Egghead's name ever again.

Starting from Now.

As always, almost everything I say is true so- read what I say out loud if it helps, and in reverse when you can. It won't make any less sense.

And Good Luck; 'cos if You're confused then imagine how I feel.