A Letter From My Three Sisters...

Hello Sister

We're all writing because you don't really talk to us anymore - I mean, just talk like a sister, it's only if something really bad has happened you bother with one of us, and even then usually you're off your face anyway, and you don't want to listen unless its something you want to hear. We figure if we write it down, you'll at least read this, even if you don't agree with one single thing we say.

We have been watching you go down, with both Hubby and the kids. We have been worried for years about you, but now we are more worried about Eldest Son and Little Son especially. We've all heard how you're happy with your life now and you have these great friends and all that, but whether that's true or not, we are unhappy with what you are doing to yourself and the kids. personally I don't believe you are really happy with your life, or you wouldn't still be so hysterical overtime something happens with Hubby that makes you have to go off and get drunk or stoned. People don't have to do shit like that unless they're unhappy - or addicts - so which are you?

I heard what happened last week because Mum asked me if any of us love her, since you had told her we all had crap childhood's and to ask us if she didn't believe us. Do I think there were some issues when we were growing up, sure, but nothing that's not too weird compared to anyone else ever. Even Prince Williams and Harry didn't have a perfect childhood. Do I think you are a better mother to the boys than our mother was to us? No, I actually don't. Our mother wasn't always particularly interested or very supportive in what we did, but our mother at least turned up when she had too. I've been to more of Eldest Son's concerts than you have, for god sake. Are they heaps of fun, no. Thats not the point though. I don't get how YOU can still be so angry at MUM for being disinterested in your stuff 18 years ago, but think it's fair enough that you don't go to anything of Eldest Son's on the basis that it's not your type of music, or you dont have anything in common with his friends mothers. Well, duh. What makes you think eldest Son won't be still whinging about how you neglected him 18 years from now for the same - but heaps WORSE - reasons. I don't remember you ever being put in a position of having to throw a chair between Mum and Dad to stop them fighting, and then running off into the night. Or watching Dad piss on Mum and Mum punch him out, and then getting dumped at Grammas so Mum can go off and get stoned, while you went without medicine. Nice touch that when you did turn up again last weekend, it was with your vodka and not little Son's medicine?

You want to blame Hubby for all that, fine, do it. But you're their MOTHER, you have the responsibility to decide what's best for them, and to take care of them first. Even if taking care of them first means you have to get over your obsession about Hubby and move out, or hey, actually spend time with them rather than going as as many nights as possible and leaving them for someone else to take care of. When was the last time you took them out anywhere special? Or spent time with them on a weekend? Dont insult anyone by saying you don't have the money for it, you clearly have enough to get drunk and stoned, you just would rather spend your money on yourself. If that's how it is, be their mother one last time, and make a decision about who they are better off with full time. If you dont want them and all that goes with it, then give them to someone who'll take real care of them.

My son died last year and I would give anything to have him back. Actually HAVE him, and spend time with him, and be there when he grows up. Watching how you are with the boys, especially little Son, makes me angry and sad. I wish you would think about what you have and think about how you'd feel if something happened to one of them, and you didn't have them anymore. And imagine what they'll look back in their childhood's were like, and how they'll think about you. If you're still this angry at Mum, how do you think they'll be with you later on?

Last thing. Aside from what sort of mother and daughter you have become I wonder if you think much about what sort of sister and friend you are these days. You made a big point to Mum asking if she knew the names of your high school friends. Well, me and Sister and Sister all still SEE our highschool friends. Where are yours? Driven off because they're all fucked or too boring or whatever. Is is it just a coincidence, or could you consider you're the common denominator in the problems you think everyone ELSE has. The only thing i got out of you last time we talked was that we all need to remember you're going through a "divorce"... me and little Sister have already been divorced and that didn't end up in us neglecting our families. Middle Sister is so pregnant she needs her Partner's mum to move there from Adelaide to help her out - while you're just down the road - and she was the one helping you get ready for little Son. Little Sister's dealing with 3 little kids and her Oldest being left by his Dad. I'm in therapy. Where are you in all this for us?

If you want help, we'll help you, we miss you. But we can't watch this anymore

Oldest Sister

Sister,
Oldest Sister sent me an email briefly outlining your weekend which ended in mum in tears asking whether or not any of us loved her. Look at what YOU actually did yourself that weekend regarding your behaviour and the impact of that on little Son in particular and eldest Son. Well, listen here, you have NO RIGHT to speak to Mum on anyone's behalf, especially considering that mum has done more for your kids than any others. You really are out of line in speaking at all. Without her support where would your kids be? What figment of your imagination has your childhood painted as such a nightmare that it is so much worse than the childhood you have provided for your kids? You are such a fucking hypocrite if you think your childhood was worse than the reality of what your kid's has been. How many times did you see our parents fight, hit each other, put holes in the walls, piss on each other or even swear at each other????? How many times did our parents dump us at Grandma's for the weekend so they could go to parties and get drunk and full of drugs???? I can't seem to remember any such weekends. My bet is that Sister and Sister can't either so where do you get these ideas that your childhood was so fucked??
Sure mum and dad weren't into Pony Club but what sports do you take your kids to on the weekend, even as spectators? How dare you judge them when your weekends are just filled with drugs and alcohol, week after week? Family, well you don't have a fucking clue what that means you are so drug fucked, a junkie (you don't need heroin be be a junkie you know). Wakeup you need to realise how far your life has spiralled downwards and you are dragging your kids with you. Mum is trying to stop their lives from being fucked up by you. It's been devastating to watch you do this to yourself and your kids. Mum has enabled a lot of your behaviour simply by having them so you can go out, but she has been in a catch 22 with it, because what would you have done if you had no one to mind the kids all weekend, gone out anyway??? That is what mum fears would be the case, or that you would take them with you and they would be exposed to more of your sick behaviour.
Personally if she hadn't had to spend so much time doing your job raising your kids, she might have had more time for the other grandkids. You have been so selfish for the last 16 years. Do you really think you had it so bad? For fuck sake compare your childhood with your kid's and then answer the question.
And DO NOT EVER speak to mum on my behalf again.

Middle Sister



Sister, you are my sister and I love you....but stuff has to be said before you destroy yourself ! Where do I begin! This isn't exactly the easiest letter I've ever had to write.
We've watched you for the past couple of years and have all been worried for you. You say you're happy with your life but nothing could be further from the truth.You and I have had conversation and I've told you what I think about your relationship with Hubby and what you should do not only for yourself but for your kids. Is it that hard for you to see just how toxic this is to to your life! You are in a chronically vicous cycle which is spinning out of control and my concern is how much worse are you going to make this for yourself .....and the people you profess to love? (HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN YOU GO BEFORE YOU HIT BOTTOM?!!!!!)
I want you to remember yourself at 18 and you used to party hard even back then but in all honesty you are out of control! You party far harder than most people I know (and they don't have kids , or bills to pay!)
What worries me most is the effect this has on your kids. Eldest Son has the ability of getting away from all of this to some degree but little Son can't escape from it!Do you think he's going to be unscathed from watching yourself and Hubby getting wasted and then beating the crap out of each other? FOR FUCKS SAKE HE THINKS IT'S NORMAL!!!!
Now I'm thinking that you're thinking I'm a hypocrite, yeah I smoke weed and drink, but I'm not out every weekend dumping my kids on their grandparents just so I can do this.I can't even remember the last time I had a night off,or wanted to! Everything I do is for my family and I constantly put myself last not out of duty but for shear neccessity I cannot possibly smoke weed and get drunk every night and manage to pay a mortgage and my bills and then put food on the table.
Our parents might not have been their emotionally for us every time we needed them but they always came through for us when we really needed them ! And although they themselves had their issues they never laid a hand on us or each other!
Why would you want something worse for yourself?
I don't appreciate you telling mum that none of us love her! Now that's just a plain and horrible lie ! How could you even say that to our mother? SHE'S OUR MOTHER!!!!!!! Would you like your kids to say that to you!
Stuff might have happened to me but I don't blame mum and dad for the crap that's gone on! They worked bloody hard to get us through school and give us oppurtunities that they themselves never had .Our lives we're far better than theirs! They did their job! Now it's our turn to do the same!
Mum might not have made me lunch every day but I can make my son's
Mum might not have taken interest in me playing nettball, but I CAN take an interest in my kids activities
Mum and Dad might not have had the ideal peachy relationship but I can have relationship that is better than theirs could have been! Do you get what I'm saying to you?
MUM MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THEIR FOR YOU WHEN MCGEE DID HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU BUT IF YOU'D TOLD HER AND GIVEN HER THE CHANCE TO DEFEND YOU SHE WOULD HAVE!
WE ARE THE MASTER OF OUR HAPPINESS OR OUR MISERY!
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF?
DO YOU WANT HAPPINESS OR DO YOU WANT MISERY Sister?
ONLY YOU CAN DIG YOURSELF OUT OF THE HOLE YOU'VE DUG FOR YOURSELF