Mister James...

Being careful not to slip on the mossy surface I am walking down the darkened driveway; but Mister James is holding my hand tightly and I don't fall...

You should see him; he's the hottest guy I've ever been with.

It's a chilly September night and I'm wearing a pair of denim cut-off shorts and a thin black cardigan which I pull around my bare shoulders. I feel sick in the guts with nerves but excited; because I'm pretty sure this is going to be It. The night I'm going to lose my virginity at long last. I could have lost it few times before now; but he's the One it's supposed to happen with. I don't know that much about him yet; he's told me his name, that he's eighteen and that he's recently moved to Town from the country with his family.

For most of the night we've been sitting underneath the house where the party was held; pashing every now and then and stealthily drinking the Ouzo we've stolen from the kitchen with his mate and his Girl. And Fun? I've never had so much fun with anyone before. I can tell this guy really likes me back; his mad eyes have seduced mine all evening. I feel like my Reeboks are floating on air and my face is splitting from smiling so much. It's been the best night of my Life. Ever.

I'm seventeen; it was my birthday last weekend- but it may as well have been a year ago. Last weekend I had a crush on the guy in the Skid Row shirt- though of course I thought it had been love. It couldn't possibly have been love because it's Nothing compared to this feeling- and I've only just met this guy...

Stevo's warning to 'be careful' barely crosses my mind as we reach the base of the tree-house and climb the tall pine-log ladder to the top. Dano's already in there with his best mate; me and Mister James helped her set them up together earlier- She's head over heels in love already, too. There are a few mattresses flung on the floor; obviously this is the place where the 'boys' bring back the girls to pick up -so to speak. I don't care; I doubt he's ever looked at any of them like he's been looking at Me. I just wish I'd had the foresight to get all dressed up tonight and wasn't in my daggy shorts, still- but then, being at the party was totally unexpected. Dano and I were supposed to be watching videos tonight with Mong and Bbbb- it was only a last minute invitation that we got to be at the party at all. Fate wanted us to meet; it's so obviously meant to be.

We've drunk the last few Twist-Tops we managed to flog from the party as we left; it was dying in the arse anyway by one am. We choose one of the mattresses while Dano's right next door on the other with his mate. Very romantic I know; especially for the First Time Ever- though I haven't told Mister James about that part. I don't want him to think I'm desperate...

It's pitch black and the lights are switched off so that the Parents in the big house outside don't know that the boys are 'entertaining' any guests tonight. I help Mister James half-way out of his jeans while I frantically try to remember which pair of underwear I was wearing; hoping against vain hope that they aren't the ones that earned me my nick-name at the Motley Crue concert.

I'm nervous as hell now; he's guiding himself into me after expertly removing my pants while I hardly noticed as I thought about his strong hands on my body as he was kissing me. It hurts more than I thought it would; for years I deluded Myself all the horse-riding I had done would have taken care of my hymen- just like the myth had said it would...

But it feels like a sword every time that it enters and I can't relax; I'm stiff as a board and tensing more and more with each thrust. I don't want to be a boring root to him- what I really want to do is spit on my finger so I can give my old girl a little bit of wet; I'm so dry and sore (I know- I apologise; and there's another example of Honesty Overkill still to come). But I don't dare do that and so I stay that way until it's all over. I don't even know if I was any good- or if he was enjoying himself.

I wonder why a guy like him would want to do it again with a girl who is as boring as that in bed. And I know I was boring. I put my pants back on, feeling wet at long last- when I realise that it's actually blood. I'd already had my period for the month so I knew it wasn't that, but that he had just 'busted' me good. I start to feel paranoid that he's got blood all over himself too, now- not that I dare mention it to him; he'll be so turned off when he finds it though; knowing I was just a boring little virgin all along.

Dano has gone outside for a cigarette sometime during the Big Event and is now making her way back into the cubby again. She motions that her 'bloke' is ready to drive us home now; we have to get home before too much longer or we'll be in shit tomorrow and will probably get grounded off our parents. She reminds me that I have to play netball in the Grand Final in four hours and that's enough to convince me to let them drive me home- even though we were all still quite drunk.

Not that I want to go home; I don't want this night to ever be over.

I get dropped off first; Mister James commenting that he didn't live all that far away from me; only three blocks past the Park. Then he kissed me goodbye and said he'd see me around sometime and drove away into the night...

It was enough information for me to find him again- but he wasn't the same Mister James that I had first met. Which was a shame; because I've been trying to find that first guy for the last fifteen years- though every now and then the Doppelganger lets him out.

But I've told you about my Hubby before now, though. So you should already know who I was talking about...