The Aftermath...

For Those of You who have been following along at home...

Wednesday Night...

I picked Hubby up from work and drove him down the Motorcycle Shop to get his fork-oil and coil-thingy that he needs to fix his Piece of Shit. After twenty minutes sitting in the car I drop him at the Pub; he tells me he'll only be staying for an hour or so.

He asks if I did the grocery shopping today on my day off; and I start to explain the Banana Fiasco that saw Me dashing from the supermarket back to littlest Son's school with a mere thirty dollars worth of groceries(I had barely started) but he cuts me off mid-sentence that it doesn't matter and that he'll order pizza's for dinner from the new Pizziera up the road and once he's ordered them I can drive down and collect them both.

So far so good?

I hadn't actually been planning on taking Him either Too or Fro from the pub this afternoon; but I figure it's an escape from both shopping And cooking tonight- so I accept. It gets close to six; he orders the pizza. Little Son and I drive down to collect them and we get icecreams for the kids for after they've eaten. We're hardly a familial picture of Bliss though; I know I've got a lot of shit on My mind but I wanted to let the majority slide for the evening; at least while we have little Son in tow...

So we eat pizza. It's good. On the thick side but not too crusty. The phone rings and it's Twink; asking Hubby back down to the pub. He accepts on the proviso that I drive him there and He gets his own way home. He's happy with that.

An hour later Twink rings and asks Me if it's okay if I drive him home when I pick Hubby up. I wasn't going to pick him up at all, I explain. My days of pandering are all but over. But then, Twink has done me favours before; just last week he picked me up from Jen Jen's after a big night and returned me to My car..

So I say Yes.

Big Mistake.

An hour later Hubby rings and informs- no, Tells- Me that Twink is going to ring up shortly and in no way am I to offer him a ride. He can wait until Hubby is ready to be driven. There's no way Hubby is having Anybody rely on his Bitch for a lift; Buffoon shouldn't be expected to drop everything and drive everybody home just because Twink is ready, willing or able.

Twink calls.

I drive him home...

Rationalising that it's been half an hour since Hubby called and He Did say that he would be ready to come home within half an hour. Twink's apologetic; his I-don't-mean-to-cause-shit speech at the ready. All I'm doing is offering a Mate a lift home and he always has to make it into something more. Why I don't know.

Maybe because he knows the Shit it will cause?

On the way back from dropping Twink home I stop at the pub and call Hubby from out the front on my mobile.

"Ready?"

"Nup." Said in a smarmy voice. "I just got myself another beer. I thought I TOLD YOU not to take Twink home until I was ready. You don't listen, do You?"

Well; no. I don't. Because I'm a free person who doesn't need to be Told. Won't be Told. And I can drive a drunk friend home when I've been sitting at home for an hour waiting for their call so that I can go to sleep whenever the fuck I feel like it. Twink's done it for Me.

Have You, Hubby?

Call me later then, I tell him. If you're not ready yet- that's fine,too. And when I get home I do something Stupid. I send him a text.

"Who's playing games now?"

This; because he had a go at me the other day for not acting responsibily. And because it's only Tuesday and he's the one who's drunk and been on the piss for hours while I've been at home doing the homework and dinner and bath and bedtime for the kids. After all the shit he slayed Me with last time about being a hopeless Mother...

I'd been at home People. It was only Tuesday.

Another hour passed. Fido and Miss Fancy Pants drove Hubby home. I'd warned Fido not to send him home to Me in such a bad mood but in Fido's defence even He couldn't have predicted what was to follow...

He stalked me from room to room; my pleas to talk about this shit Tommorrow falling upon deaf ears. At one stage I went downstairs to hang the wet washing out only to hear him say from the verandah above- "Where you gone,Slut?". He's angry I drove Twink home. Angry I didn't put him first. Angry I didn't listen.

Eldest Son woke up first; followed closely by little Son.

The rest; I'd rather not go into...

Suffice to say he spat venom my way; Again. Said how much he wishes he wasn't with Me anymore. Why would Someone Like Him want to be with Someone Like Me. You've heard it all before. I told him "We aren't together. We just have to keep the peace until tax-time and then we can sort out the money and get You some transport to work and a rental bond on a place for Me."

He kicked Me out onto the couch for the night. And I truly thought that was It...

So I wrote the following letter;

"Please read this, Hubby...

I haven't done this for fifteen years for Nothing. I love you, Hubby and I'm sorry if you don't feel that I do. If it's over then I hope we can be mates again one day- at least for the kids if nothing else.

I don't know if this can be fixed but I know I don't want to be without You. You are the most important person in my life- besides the kids; and this is killing them. If it's over then we have to make it work on some level for their sakes.

Maybe we just need to be separated for a while- I'll go to my Mother's for a month if you think that might help. Or give counselling another go? I don't know what else we can do; we've let it go too far for anything else to work.

I'll ring Government Agency tomorrow and tell them we've broken up if that's what has to happen today- but I hope you're willing to give it one more try.

I hope you love Me enough to try. Please. I don't wanna fight with you.

Love Always, Buffoon."

Then I went to sleep. In the morning I was woken by Hubby; sitting next to Me on the couch where I'd slept for the last three nights.

He kissed me softly on the lips. Said sorry.

And here I am...

Still.