Mayday...

Right now I am hanging out for an apology that will never come...

I really thought We'd been getting on better lately. Reached a better understanding of the other. Or why else would you have told me the other week that you loved the same things about Me that everybody else does? Why would I be able to forgive the horrible things you said Last Time if it weren't for the fact that I can move on from them? I never Forget though. The hurt has gone on for far too long...

So I decided May Day was going to be the day I started moving on with my Life. Do things for Myself that promoted rather than hindered my progress. I decided not to drink or smoke pot From Now Until Further Notice- meaning that I was having a break from drugs/achohol rather than abstaining from it Forever- I'm not even Close to being ready for that kind of committment; but when I finished work one of the Girl's suggested we have a quick beer down the corner and have a flutter on the Pokies; and then there was a message from Jen Jen on my phone asking if I wanted to go halves in some green.

So, So Long, Good Intentions.

After a few rounds with the Girl's I dropped round to Twink's where I met Jen Jen. We had a few more rounds at our Local Pub and then I dropped Jen Jen home while I went to collect little Son from school. I was five minutes late so used the lame-o excuse I was late finishing work. I hope Miss H didn't smell the alchohol on my breath.

I bought a six pack for when I got home; I'd already busted my May First Resolution. And with a sappy-bag full of mull I was now set up for a fine evening. Lucky I hadn't told anybody about those Intentions of mine, hey? I so hate disappointing people...

This morning I woke, drove Hubby to work, got stoned and realised that I had no banana for little Son's morning tea at school. A quick trip down the shop later had this rectified and I dropped him at school and proceeded on to the Shopping Centre to do the weekly grocery shopping. Crisis averted; or so I thought.

I'm in the Fruit Section, looking at bananas, silently congratulating Myself that I had bought enough to last the rest of the school week- when it hits Me. The bananas I'd already bought weren't safely in little Son's lunch box at all- but were still sitting on the front seat of the car because I'd been too stoned and/or pre-occupied to remember to put them in. It just serves to highlight how much I need to change my Life. It's going down the gurgler.

It's May Day alright.

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

Below is from an email my pen-friend The Hot Scot sent me this morning. It's message really struck a chord with how I've been feeling the last few days...

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin."

Apparently if I send it on to all of my Friends then a Miracle will happen Tonight.

We shall see.