One-Up-Wo-Man-Ship...

Last night I had the following conversation with my Hubby...after admitting to having McDonald's for lunch.

Hubby: Geez you live the good life don't you? I get up at five thirty in the morning to make myself three salad sandwiches.

Me: And I take you to work at ten past six. Anyway; it doesn't take forty five minutes to make three sandwiches. I make sandwiches, too, you know. It takes two minutes to slap on a piece of ham or cheese.

Hubby: That's just bread and cheese then.

Me: Well I don't NEED ham tomato cucumber carrot beetroot butter and cheese just to make a sandwich.

(NB if even just ONE of these ingredients aren't in the fridge he won't make his gourmet sandwiches- he'd rather go without and buy his lunch at work because to him it won't taste any good)

Hubby: Your sandwiches are shit compared to mine.

(NB This is true.)

Me: Well get off your arse and get a licence and you can drive through McDonalds any time you like, too.

(Then after watching him 'poach' food from eldest Son's dinner plate to go on his own)

Me: That's fucked. Don't do that.

Hubby: Well he has more than me and I've peppered it now.

(NB He'd actually taken the wrong plate; his plate originally had more on it than eldest Son's but he was too quick on the 'take' for me to point out which dinner was intended for him...)

Me: You've peppered the kitchen bench more.

Hubby: How do you know it wasn't eldest Son who did it?

Me: Because he doesn't use pepper- and because it resembles the three pepper squares you leave on the bench after making your three salad sandwiches every morning.

(I then ate most of my dinner- giving Hubby a small piece of my chicken schnitzel before intending on finishing my jacket potato with sour cream and salad- which Hubby also snaffled up before I could say a word. I left him to rinse both of our plates; as he was the last to finish with them...)

Hubby: I cleaned most of your plate up already. Why should I wash it when it was yours?

Me: Because I gave you that bit schnitzel- but I don't remember giving you the rest.

His face was priceless; and He was speechless!