After The Counselling...

My Hubby doesn't want to go back again but I think I want to go back.

We need to.

I need to tell him and he needs to listen to me. He needs to hear it all. He needs to know how he makes me feel. He needs to know he needs to be interested in my thoughts and feelings- that it Matters what I think. My thoughts are more than just important to me- they are my very Self.

They are me.

If he doesn't like my thinking then he doesn't like me. If he's not interested in my brain and how it thinks and not love it then he can never love me either. Not properly anyway.It's important that he knows that side of me better.

He doesn't get the right to be disinterested in my mind. My Husband- my other person- has to be interested in me enough that they will listen to my brain rave and welcome it and not misunderstand it.

Why can't it be like this all the time? He actually listened to me in the kitchen the other night. I know he felt what I was saying to him because he was looking at me and I saw that he heard me. Like for the first time in a long time. It was good; and that's how I want it.

He doesn't have to be that attentive all the time either- just when it's necessary and called for.

And the fucking just gets better and better; sorry Kids if you are ever reading this- but it does. New Year's Day I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

And he hasn't tried to 'stop my fun' even when I've been willing to go home at a reasonable hour. Life is good again; for the moment at least.

We are enjoying an easy calm.