I'm Always Right...

My Hubby and me are fighting again tonight. Been on the lounge for the past three nights- it's getting pretty tedious.

I mean if we love each other like I Always do and he seems to when when we are getting along well together then why can't we discuss our problems rationally? Why does he always have to be right even when he's wrong? I can't be always wrong.

Well in his eyes I am. Maybe he's threatened by intelligence or something. Maybe he knows I'm smarter than he is so he feels he has to put me down constantly. I know he wants to control me-he's on a big power trip. He won't even wash his own whiskers down the drain becasue he feels that would be complying to my 'demands'. Fuck. I don't ask that much of him.

It's only recently that I've begun to realise exactly how much I miss out on because of him. It's an effort to fuck me; an effort to hold me while I masturbate; an effort to take out the garbarge or mow the lawns or finish the furniture or say hello or I love you or how has your day been? He's so self-absorbed he doesn't think about how these things affect anyone else. And when I think about how my friend's hubby's are with them I feel like I'm missing out; selling myself short. I've said it before- but my needs aren't getting met. Everyone has needs; and he can't just make me a toasted sandwich and prove that he cares about me.

I don't need a toasted sandwich.

I need respect and to feel like I'm cared about; emotionally I mean. I can't describe what it feels like to be me- all I know is the hurt I feel when he rejects my feelings and brushes me off and calls me stupid and mental. At least I supposes you have to Have a brain to be mental.

It must've been Couple's Night or he wouldn't have even asked me along. I asked him if he wanted me to be there and he didn't say so. I guess that proves it then.