You Old Perverted Bastard You...

This is going to be emotionally tricky. I have to write down those people that I have bonded with in hate, resentment and anger. Those who have wronged me. And I'm supposed to find it in me to forgive them and let go of the anger- and hence the bond; to basically reclaim my power.

How sappy does that sound?

Well here goes.

You Old Perverted Bastard. A logical starting place because I guess I hate you more than anyone else. You robbed me of my innocence, took away my childhood and sullied the good memories I had of it. You scared me. But do you know what? You don't scare me anymore.

I see you around sometimes and you're just an old man in a wig who will die soon. The world won't miss you when you are gone; it'll keep turning long after you're gone. Your family might miss you- but then they don't know you're a dirty old pedophile, do they? So you can't scare me anymore because you'll never touch me again. You'll never know that I am a nice person in spite of what you did to me. Your time is nearly up now; and you are the one who's scared now, aren't you, because if there is a god you'll be facing him soon; and he'll Know what you did to me and probably heaps of other scared little children. And you'll pay big time for it- and the best thing you won't know until you Are dead- which will only be a few short years for you. None the less- I hope you are stewing about it; you Old Perverted Bastard you.

I hope you know that when you are dead I'm planning on having a party to celebrate. My life will go on without you. You may have poisoned my life for thirteen years but I survived you; you haven't broken Me. In fact; you probably made me stronger. I would never have been so protective of my own Son if you hadn't defiled me, so I guess I'm thankful for that. I'd rather I live through something like that than have my child subjected to the likes of you. I will never be complacent as my Parents were. I won't let strangers interact with my children. So maybe you've saved my kid from an arsehole like you; because I will never leave him around an arsehole like you. I can spot arseholes. An arsehole's sick pleasure isn't worth my Son's sufferance. And not one of you will get him because I am always on the alert now; thanks to you.

I hope sometime in the past thirteen years you saw the error of your ways. I doubt it though; you have a sick mind.

I know it was all your fault; that you were the one in the wrong- it wasn't me. I was just a young girl who trusted an arsehole; was swayed by a bribe to ride your grey mare- which I never did incidentally. I believed your lies when you told me that I was a good and talented rider- all so you could get me alone. I don't trust anyone like that anymore.

My Hubby thinks I get myself into precarious situations- especially when I'm drinking- but I am always aware of the risks I am taking; once again thanks to you. I have let others abuse me since you; but no more. Today is the day that I take my power back from you old man. You've been sapping my strength too long. Next time I see you, you'll be even more bent over; you will be once I've taken back the strength that I've given you all these years.

I don't deny I want you dead.

I don't deny I hate you.

But you taught me a lesson- one that I'll never forget- and if it'll save my Son from an arsehole like you; it'll be Worth it. If there is a heaven I know you won't be going there; I won't be seeing you there.

Your kind go the other way.