A Small Puff Of Wind...

No one said we had to stay together forever anyway- most relationships fail eventually or otherwise making it to twenty-five or fifty years wouldn't be such a big deal.

And I can't do this the way it's been for another minute let alone for ten more years just so we can get a silver tray off the kids.

I'm worried my leaving is only going to make him worse- I don't want it to get like his mate and his Ex when they run into each other at the pub; slashed tyres and AVO's and jealous rages. So I guess I say goodbye to all the new friends as well- like Casper and Robbie and Jen and Sare and Fido and CC and Nort and M and the boys in the Band. And Stu and Daz and Macca. So in the end I lose no matter what I do- because they're His friend's girlfriends and His mates.

He doesn't get to have any consequences for the things he says or does. I'm more hurt and upset than angered about them- though he frustrates me when he doesn't listen to anything I say.

He says I never want to go home but it's where I want to be right now. Next to him in bed where we belong at three am- not on my Mother's back verandah.

The worst thing is that he says that this is what his Entire problem with me is- but I know it's only a temporary probably until the next one- whatever that may be. I bet he hasn't even shed a single tear for me being gone.

You don't know how it feels to be told to fuck off for fifteen years- do you?

I wish I could ask one of his mates to talk to him for me but none of them will want to intervene. And none of mine know him well enough except for CC and Loz and my Sisters, and that's not going to happen either.

I appreciate the fact he didn't go out tonight on the drugs with his mate and wanted to come home to me instead- but he was the one who was two hours late and drunk this time.

I know he didn't want to come home to an argument but I didn't want one either. We're supposed to communicate when one or the other upsets each other- not try and bait me into an argument about how many songs(and exactly which ones) I put on the jukebox with M the other night. Who gives a flying fuck?

How about I just SAY that the only reason you've kept me around is so you can get a lift to work and now you've got a motorbike you don't need me anymore so you can say what you want hoping I'll walk out the door?

Why can't I just fabricate stories that You were doing shit and up to no good when in fact you were not?

He seems to have missed the small point that he wasn't even at the Northo with me and M. I wasn't staggering drunk. I didn't have a go at anybody- far from it- I had a great time with everybody that I spoke to. I don't ask or seek attention from anybody except for the one person who can't give it to me.

My Hubby.

I'd stay up all night but the candle is small.

Funny how only a small puff of wind can extinguish a flame, huh?

One very sad confused lonely bitter bitch. That's me.

But Me? I am rn_buffoon. You know that mental bitch that he can't stand but who everybody else likes? Yeah. Me.