Cogito Ergo Sum...

Another day another shitfight.


What the fuck is going on? Another 'light-bulb moment' from Oprah- you've got to have emotions. Sounds so simple doesn't it but my Hubby has none. That's why he finds it so hard to understand mine. I guess it would be unrealistic to expect a person to understand nuclear physics if they weren't a nuclear physicist; and that's my Hubby. Why bring up emotions when he has none?

Even if he has them I don't see them except when he wants me to. I don't even know what he wants.

I told him to leave tonight and he said I'd be a blubbering mess if he did. I don't feel anything about that right now. I think it might even be a relief if it were to happen. I know I want the crap to end. I know I don't feel responsible for my position on the situation. It's his perspective of Me that cause our problems. Yet; he readily admits he cares for nothing. Am I so wrong for caring about anything? Myself or my Son or my personal happiness or state of mind?

I have been nauseated in the past by his condemnations about me; all because he is too obtuse to consider that what I might be saying to him is valid. What a moron. Why do I bother? He's obviously thinking about moving out becasue he told me he can get rent for forty five dollars a week at his mate's house. I hope he goes. It would make mine and my Son's life so much nicer. He thinks he's the best thing that's ever happened to Me; god he's got some news in store for him- he's equally the worst. Easily.

That's the main problem. My self-esteem. No other woman would put up with his shit. But I don't even think a woman is what he wants or needs. He wants the single life and all that goes with it; a cook and a sex-slave on demand and someone who will raise his Son as well. We're sick of his shit. I try to please him but then I think why bother; he's so full of shit. Like tonight talking to his mate about fixing up underneath the house (isn't he leaving tomorrow?). Like when? I guess this is on the forty year plan like the furniture kitchen floorboards fence. Am I disappointed in him? You bet I fucking am. He's infantile. Gunna. No fucking idea. Worse than all his mates put together because I don't have to live with them. He's disrespectful. He's thoughtless. Hateful.

I can't believe I thought he was the one for me.

I should go home or he should leave. Afterall it's only Gunna cost him forty five dollars a week. Then he'd be free of me and our Son; another useless father for society. I'm so proud of my Son for sticking up for me. I'm ashamed I fought with my Hubby in front of my Son; usually he's at Grandma's. My Hubby doesn't give a rat's arse. He tells us this all the time- which makes us feel really special.

But I wonder (because I feel and think-Cogito Ergo Sum) why he's here at all if it's not for us?

The first thing that sprung to mind was laziness- he's too lazy to move out. Stupid lazy prick! Let's see how lonely he is in his new bed he''ll be when he moves out.