Dear Mum...

Where to begin?

I wish we had a closer relationship. I wish we had talked about our feelings. I just never could have that mother/daughter relationship that you read about where your mother is best friend. I'm sorry about that.

I want to thank you, though, for instilling in me that to be a woman is good; that girls can do anthing. It really has shaped my beliefs- if not my actions. I want to say sorry for being a horrible nasty teenager; I guess I'll get my own back in a few years. I can't believe how incredibly selfish and hurtful towards you that I was. I can't understand why I was like that; perhaps I just wanted to be a grownup. Either way I'm sorry about it- I know you only put up with my behaviour because you loved and were scared for me.

I also wanted you to know why I drink so much, or why I used to burn myself- but I never wanted you to worry; although I know you always do. I guess blocking it out- like I do now with alcohol- or physically hurting myself like I used to- took some of the pain I was feeling away, or at least forced me to feel something.

No matter what, though, I thank you for loving me the best you could. I hope you know I love you the best I could too.