Reading Life Strategies by Dr Phil McGraw and have to write down five things I hate admitting or acknowledging about my life. Well; I wonder if I can ever stop drinking or if this is my life? Will I go completely crazy? Why do I continually fail or else quit before I fail? Why am I so mean to my Hubby and Son ? Why don't I have any goals? I used to know what I wanted and was prepared to make it happen; whay can't I do it anymore?
Next part is what sort of excuses I make to myself so that I fail; mmm...this is tricky. Let's see- I'm supposed to be honest. I often say things to myself like; I'll do it later; I can't do this; I still have a week, a day ( or whatever) before I have to have it done; I can't be bothered; what's the use it's no good anyway; it's not important; I can't write because my brain is too affected; I've lost the knack; if I can't do it I'm stupid; everyone expects it to be crap; it doesn't matter if I fail; I'll just do it again next year; it's not worth many marks; I'm tired; I'll do it later; I've got more important things to do; I should be washing or cleaning; Day's of Our Lives is on- I'll do it when it's over; I can't concentrate with my Son around; I can't work when people are at home; it's their fault I can't do this now; I'm too busy to get everything done; I'll do it after tea; if I can; I'll do it in the morning, after lunch, after dinner; I still have hours left before I go to bed; I'll wake up early; tomorrow I'll want to do it; I'll just crap on and it'll pass; I'll get an extension; I'll just drop out; other's will be worse than mine; I don't want this degree anyway; I'll never get a job; I don't want a job; if I get a job I won't cope with being around people; would my Hubby marry me at last? I don't know what to do; don't want a shit job; not qualified for a good job; want good money, not shit money; can't get good money.
What does this say? A lot I imagine; I'm scared of failure, I make a lot of excuses to remain a failure. I plan to fail. How do I stop this Dr Phil? Show me the way...
Is this behaviour working or not working? Not working. I'm stuck in a rut; failing. It affects my whole life because I have no direction, no purpose, no dreams, and I have to get that back for Myself so I can improve my life; as well as make my Son and Hubby happier lives. My behaviour affects their lives; and by igorning my behaviour I am ignoring their needs.
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